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Intro [F/D] in the US

on Thu 3 Jan - 8:29
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Hello all,
I am 62 and my daughter is 41. We were separated over the majority of her formative years, had come contact in her prepubescent years and then nothing until adulthood so I'm not sure if this counts as GSA or not. ( I'm new to all these terms).
She is 41, single, has 2 children, and has recently moved back within a 2 hour drive. I spend the day with her most every Saturday.
I am married (not to her Mom) but my wife developed pain with intercourse and has no interest in getting treatment. We have been sexless for like 5 or 6 years.
I recently began to have these "feelings" for my Daughter. I've done a lot of thinking about it and I believe that the feelings were there for some time but I continually fought them off because of stigma. Anyway, over the past 2 or 3 weeks I have fallen hopelessly in love with her. After doing a lot of late night research and learning about all the people who have loving, caring, nurturing relationships with their Daughters, I want so badly to let her know of my feelings and see how she might feel. I know to take it very slow and easy and I also know that there's a chance she wont want to go farther but I could really use some support. There is absolutely no one I can talk to about this.

Thanks in advance.
sleepingrain
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Re: Intro [F/D] in the US

on Thu 3 Jan - 9:13
hiya lovesick! thank you for your intro, you're cleared for the forums proper *hug*
I hope we can help you find answers!
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Re: Intro [F/D] in the US

on Thu 3 Jan - 12:41
Welcome aboard, lovesick!

I'm sorry your wife has those issues.

Feel free to ask for advice or vent your frustrations and hesitations in the member areas, to which you now have access. Also, always feel free to send me a private message or to email me at fullmarriageequality at Protonmail dot com.

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I blog to support the right of all adults to share love, sex, residence, and marriage: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com
Consanguinamory
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Re: Intro [F/D] in the US

on Thu 3 Jan - 22:30
Welcome aboard.
CelesChere
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Re: Intro [F/D] in the US

on Fri 4 Jan - 0:09
Hey I'm with my dad. Generally when dads ask this question my best advice is to let your daughter approach you. Although in this case it may not apply as much. Usually I say that because of the potential for power imbalance but since you're both well into adulthood now and you didn't raise her thats sort of a moot point. I wish I had better advice for you on this but My dad and I's situation is a bit different from yours.
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Re: Intro [F/D] in the US

on Fri 4 Jan - 0:44
Welcome aboard! In addition to the consanguinamorous people around here, and those of us who consider ourselves allies thereof, there are quite a few polyamorous members as well - folks who have more than one intimate partner in an honest and forthright fashion. So feel free to share your thoughts and ask questions.
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Re: Intro [F/D] in the US

on Fri 4 Jan - 2:18
Welcome to the KS Smile

I had a relationship with my father that lasted 8 years, but my situation was different from yours because he raised me and had been present throughout my entire childhood (this type of consanguinamory is referred to as non-GSA because there was no absence and reunion), and the relationship started when I was 19 and started to see him as a man that I was strongly attracted to, and not just as my dad. Your situation sounds more like GSA than non-GSA to me, but there could be elements of both since there was some contact during her adolescence.

If you want to guage how your daughter feels about the subject, you might want to bring up the subject IN GENERAL, like, you could show her a news story or something like that and ask her her opinion, giving yours as 'I can't see what they did wrong' or something of that nature. If she reacts with disgust then it's a no-go, but if she agrees with you, then at least you know that she isn't going to be completely grossed out if you start subtly flirting with her. As you've already said, it's something you must approach with caution and go slowly if you wish to proceed.

I'm also sorry to hear about your wife... that must be hard for her as well as for you. Obviously you're a man who still has needs, and your wife is no longer able to fullfil that side of things. Have you spoken with your wife about the possibility of allowing you to fullfil your sexual desire elsewhere, if not then you might want to think about that. Reason being, if you still love your wife, and there is every indication that you still do, then you should be as honest as you can with her about how the lack of a sex life has been affecting you. So like, without placing blame or expecting her to do anything about her condition, you could remain a married couple with her permission to persue others (polyamory). This way you're keeping a minimum number of secrets, she doesn't even have to know who the 'other woman' is unless you choose to divulge that piece of information. You know your wife better than anyone here, and whether she would be receptive to this or not. It's just one possible suggestion.

I know how much you want your daughter, but I also do not want to see all of your hurt by this situation. I'm just thinking of ways to negate or at least minimise potential damage to your marriage, your wife will be hurt if you cheat behind her back, even though she can no longer offer you sex. Do you believe this could be an option for you?
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Re: Intro [F/D] in the US

on Fri 4 Jan - 4:54
CelesChere wrote:Hey I'm with my dad. Generally when dads ask this question my best advice is to let your daughter approach you. Although in this case it may not apply as much. Usually I say that because of the potential for power imbalance but since you're both well into adulthood now and you didn't raise her thats sort of a moot point. I wish I had better advice for you on this but My dad and I's situation is a bit different from yours.

Thanks Celes.
I'm planning to post a much more detailed run down on the situation. I've been pretty well non stop browsing the forum since I joined. I hope you feeling much better since the accident by the way.
It's just good to know that you guys are here for support.
This whole thing has been so overwhelming. It pretty well consumes me at this point.
Thank you all for your kindness.
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Re: Intro [F/D] in the US

on Fri 4 Jan - 5:37
Message reputation : 100% (1 vote)
Jane Doe wrote:Welcome to the KS Smile

I had a relationship with my father that lasted 8 years, but my situation was different from yours because he raised me and had been present throughout my entire childhood (this type of consanguinamory is referred to as non-GSA because there was no absence and reunion), and the relationship started when I was 19 and started to see him as a man that I was strongly attracted to, and not just as my dad. Your situation sounds more like GSA than non-GSA to me, but there could be elements of both since there was some contact during her adolescence.

If you want to guage how your daughter feels about the subject, you might want to bring up the subject IN GENERAL, like, you could show her a news story or something like that and ask her her opinion, giving yours as 'I can't see what they did wrong' or something of that nature. If she reacts with disgust then it's a no-go, but if she agrees with you, then at least you know that she isn't going to be completely grossed out if you start subtly flirting with her. As you've already said, it's something you must approach with caution and go slowly if you wish to proceed.

I'm also sorry to hear about your wife... that must be hard for her as well as for you. Obviously you're a man who still has needs, and your wife is no longer able to fullfil that side of things. Have you spoken with your wife about the possibility of allowing you to fullfil your sexual desire elsewhere, if not then you might want to think about that. Reason being, if you still love your wife, and there is every indication that you still do, then you should be as honest as you can with her about how the lack of a sex life has been affecting you. So like, without placing blame or expecting her to do anything about her condition, you could remain a married couple with her permission to persue others (polyamory). This way you're keeping a minimum number of secrets, she doesn't even have to know who the 'other woman' is unless you choose to divulge that piece of information. You know your wife better than anyone here, and whether she would be receptive to this or not. It's just one possible suggestion.

I know how much you want your daughter, but I also do not want to see all of your hurt by this situation. I'm just thinking of ways to negate or at least minimise potential damage to your marriage, your wife will be hurt if you cheat behind her back, even though she can no longer offer you sex. Do you believe this could be an option for you?

Thank you Jane. You have been especially helpful so far.
This forum has been a God send for me. I too believe my situation to be more of a GSA thing after educating myself a bit more. The feelings have been so sudden and intense. I love her more than I have ever loved any woman in my life by far. In all my living I have never experienced anything close to this. Not taking action is not an option. She has been, in adulthood very very affectionate and touchy. I've always enjoyed that but lately I'm wondering if I have been repressing feelings and missing signals. Maybe that is wishful thinking on my part but I simply must find out how she truly feels.
As I told Celes, I'm going to undertake a more complete and detailed version of my story here soon but suffice to say that my wife has a quite colorful background but is now a strait laced fundamentalist Christian with a careful eye on keeping up appearances and I don't see much chance of blessings any extra curricular activity. Another complication is that I am a Christian musician and any hint of impropriety would surely spell doom for that undertaking. However, I would gladly give up anything and everything I have to find out that my beautiful daughter feels the same way as I do.
There are many twists and turns to this situation (I guess that's the case with most of them come to think of it) but suffice to say that I have no intention of harming my current family.
Oh, I almost forgot another twist. She was living with her full brother when we met. They had been reunited after limited contact growing up. She moved out of his house to move in with me some 25 years ago. She's never admitted it but I wonder now if there weren't a GSA thing going on with her and her brother. Knowing her as I do I know she would carry that secret to her grave if that were the case. If it were the case she might be more understanding than I'm giving her credit for. But that's more of an aside here.
Anyway, thanks again to all of you for being here. Without all your hard work I would be questioning my own sanity much more than I currently am.
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Re: Intro [F/D] in the US

on Sat 5 Jan - 0:36
If you want to post more about your personal situation, you should do so in the 'my story' section of the website, that is one of the parts which is hidden from people not yet upgraded and so you'll have greater privicy there.

And yes, if she has already experienced GSA before, then there is a stronger possibility it could happen again. At this point you don't know, but I get the feeling you'll probably find out.


And no, you're definitely not going insane, everything you've described here is perfectly normal Smile
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Re: Intro [F/D] in the US

on Sat 5 Jan - 13:37
I may not have been clear before. The brother /sister thing I spoke about was my wife and not my daughter.
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Re: Intro [F/D] in the US

on Sat 5 Jan - 17:04
Greetings lovesick, glad to have you with us.

Please continue to search the site, you will find a lot of information, advice and support from all here.

KS has helped mom and I understand our situation, and importantly how best to go forward with it in a world that doesn't agree.

As for your suspicion that consang has touched your family in the past, we have found it in our history and feel it helped us understand more

about ourselves, looking back at family interactions.

Good luck, and don't feel shy about asking questions, I've stepped on my own more than once with incorrect assumptions.
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Re: Intro [F/D] in the US

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