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about Nicky3000 & Queenlove

on Fri 28 Jul - 22:54
hiya,
If you wrote to Nicky3000 or Queenlove, this may not be pleasant

Okay, so
Nicky3000 & Queenlove had the same IP address, and they kept logging-on one after another. Nicky told me in a PM she didn't share her house or internet connection with Queenlove, or know her in-person. So, I asked her why she had a matching IP address, and if my suspicions about her weren't wrong. She said she was deeply sorry, never meant to hurt anyone, and we were welcome to delete her.

Neither her nor Queenlove has been back since. My feeling is they won't be. I'd sent her a reply, asking her for an explanation why she did this... but that was Tuesday. So I spoke with Jane & we settled on "if she hasn't answered by Friday, make a forum announcement". For those who knew them, and also to say that it's wrong to do this!

If Nicky & Queenlove were roommates, this wouldn't be so bad. They could've said something beforehand & that would be that. But this wasn't a miscommunication! She fabricated identities for people to be 'friends' with, without considering what happens when people discover their friend doesn't exist. Hopefully she understands this now, if nothing else.

But regardless. Her accounts will be deleted & her IP address banned.

Please feel free to speak your thoughts. Or if you've questions, please let me know.
take care, be safe


Last edited by Jane Doe on Thu 31 Aug - 23:01; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Changed it from global announcement to sticky, as this is now old news)
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Re: about Nicky3000 & Queenlove

on Fri 28 Jul - 23:28
I believe we made the right call here, even if she did not intend harm, harm has indeed been done. Like I've been saying to you over PMs and wire, it's a trust issue, we now do not know if ANYTHING she said was actually true, and as you have pointed out, people who were her friend now have to come to terms with the fact that the persona they were friends with never in fact existed.

None of us admins like banning anybody, it's one of the most unpleasant things we ever have to do, but we simply cannot allow people to undermine the ethics of our community in this way. Our community is founded on trust and friendship, and when somebody has blantantly lied like this they can never be trusted again. Therefore removing her was absolutely the only viable option we had at our disposal. I feel like we've been taken for a ride. You did well to spot this one, it's something I had missed, so thankfully there is more than one pair of eyes on the forum. Regardless of somebody's reasons for doing this kind of thing, it's not something we can accept in our community.

I believe this should be a reminder to others who would join and do the same: don't bother, you'll probably get found out and banned like this user has done.

Well done, Sleepingrain Smile
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Re: about Nicky3000 & Queenlove

on Sat 29 Jul - 21:59
thank you
I wish she'd spoken with me instead of disappearing, but it can't be helped now.
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Re: about Nicky3000 & Queenlove

on Sat 29 Jul - 22:46
I’ve been involved in various online communities for consensual adult incest for over 20 years now. Liars and fakers are so prevalent that I assume everyone who comes along is a liar and a faker. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but I pay very close attention to everything a person posts. Fakers are almost always obvious from the start. Some take a little longer to reveal themselves, but they always tip their hand in the end.

I see that the person going by the pseudonyms Nicky3000 and Queenlove is still being referred to as "she." This is a mistake. This person is almost certainly male.
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Re: about Nicky3000 & Queenlove

on Sat 29 Jul - 23:45
OtherHans wrote:I’ve been involved in various online communities for consensual adult incest for over 20 years now.  Liars and fakers are so prevalent that I assume everyone who comes along is a liar and a faker.  I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but I pay very close attention to everything a person posts.  Fakers are almost always obvious from the start.  Some take a little longer to reveal themselves, but they always tip their hand in the end.

I see that the person going by the pseudonyms Nicky3000 and Queenlove is still being referred to as "she."  This is a mistake.  This person is almost certainly male.  

I can certainly understand that, I've certainly seen my fair share of that over the years too. That said, I do try not to be so cynical, yes, things were REALLY bad a decade ago, but they're changing for the better and we on this forum are a part of that change. To be sure, fakers will always exist, that's a depressing fact, and for some odd reason the subject of incest appears to attract a disproportionate number of thm. That said, as this case demonstrates, they will be found out, because as you correctly pointed out, they reveal themselves eventually. In the case of 'Nicky', it was signing up with a second account and her subsequent lies to Sleepingrain which outed her (or him), ultimately the gender of the faker doesn't matter, it's the damage they do by causing everyone to be suspicious of everyone else in case they're faking too. But on the whole gender thing, yes you have a valid point there because there have historically been many cases of clearly male posters behind a female username. Nicky wasn't quite so obvious in that regard, so the jury is out as to whether this person was in fact female or not. She lied about everything else, so it wouldn't surprise me. I'm still referring to her as 'she' not because I believe her (about anything now) but for ease of writing more than anything. Truth be told we will never know.

I think most people here aren't fakers, I admit it is possible that some may have slipped through the net, but this community I believe is different to all those that preceded it. Because of our policies and ethics, and the fact that they're enforced, we likely have the LOWEST amount of fakery of any community past or present. Compare here with r/incest and it's quite easy to see the difference, what we lack in quantity we more than make up for on quality, one post raising legitimate issues is worth more than 100 fake posts. I too give people the benefit of the doubt, but if we're face to face with hard evidence that somebody is lying or otherwise trolling then we do what we must do to keep this place clean.
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Re: about Nicky3000 & Queenlove

on Sun 30 Jul - 7:27
shit, i mean i feel so stupid !
i even pm-ed JaneDoe to collect bitcoins for "her" baby"s birthday!
"he" or "she" , it is sad but no. it is not going to change my attitude or spoil my trust i feel for our community.
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Re: about Nicky3000 & Queenlove

on Mon 31 Jul - 3:39
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oh ageo, you're not
I understand, feeling like that, people have taken me for a ride too. It doesn't feel good. But you wanted to help someone, that's not wrong or stupid! She didn't shake your desire to find & help genuine people, you've come out ahead. A little wiser, and no less bold.
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Re: about Nicky3000 & Queenlove

on Mon 31 Jul - 14:04
It hurts a bit, knowing that what we all have here is some humorous to people, to the point that they'll fake names and such to be a part of it. For what, laughs? I hate how people can be like that.

I love this site. This is one of the only places I can openly talk about such things as my relationship with my sis. I don't want to lose this.
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Re: about Nicky3000 & Queenlove

on Tue 1 Aug - 14:58
avoiding fakers is one reason i came to this site. i actually exchanged several messages back and forth with nicky3000. i'm not sure if this will give me a little bit of trepidation in future correspondence. i guess my instincts of keeping my shell up at all times is still a good. correspond, but no details.
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Re: about Nicky3000 & Queenlove

on Tue 1 Aug - 22:24
bunny4med wrote:avoiding fakers is one reason i came to this site. i actually exchanged several messages back and forth with nicky3000. i'm not sure if this will give me a little bit of trepidation in future correspondence. i guess my instincts of keeping my shell up at all times is still a good. correspond, but no details.

I fully understand that. I would advise people in the vast majority of circumstances not to give details anyway, at least not until you've had a video call with them. You can tell more with video chat than you can with words on a screen. Anyone can write anything in a forum post or a PM, but when you talk to a person on video, it's like face to face. You get a feel for the person and can read them much better. I'd advise anyone, if you want to give details at that stage, first name only, and then only after a few months of friendship do you reveal more.

Don't let this experience with Nicky put you off making real friends, otherwise you've allowed her to undermine why we're all here, to compare notes and make friends. Just, don't believe everything you read in a PM until you've had video chats a few times.

We don't in general have a problem with fakers, but we have to be aware that it can and does happen. As admins we try as best we can to ensure that the place is clear of this kind of thing, but we are not perfect, and nor are we equipped with crystal balls. Human error will always creep in. For this reason, everybody should be vigilant. 'Nicky' made a good impersonation of a real person, so good that even I fell for it. Now it's left me feeling like an idiot, because given my experience I really should know better. That said, it should comfort everyone else, if I didn't notice something was amis, then how could I expect forum members to?

I only wish I could promise it would never happen again, unfortunately, given the anonymous nature of the internet and the community, that's not a promise I could keep. The only promise I CAN make is that such fakers will be dealt with accordingly as they are discovered, and to advise all members to keep their eyes as open as their hearts.
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Re: about Nicky3000 & Queenlove

on Wed 2 Aug - 5:34
I echo about being cautious with details. A good response to a request for details is "Why does it matter?" If the person gets upset or "threatens" not to keep communicating unless they get more details from you, don't give in, no matter how tempting it is to try to form bonds with someone who might understand. Someone who truly does understand will accept your need for privacy/anonymity.
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Re: about Nicky3000 & Queenlove

on Wed 2 Aug - 6:29
There was another case a few years back where a guy came around on one of the forums calling himself PrinceJohnny.  He wasn't a faker per-se in that he never pretended to be in a relationship, but he did have a hidden agenda.  His whole game was to ingratiate himself with people and then try to bring them into his church.  He thought he was saving people I guess.  

Then there was another person who claimed that "she" was a young woman in her 20's involved with her brother.  This person's presence was pervasive and "she" did a pretty good job of creating and maintaining a believable story.  Time went by and "she" became trusted.  It even got to the point that "she" was an admin on more than one forum.  Turned out that "she" was a 50-something guy on disability who got off on incest and wanted to communicate with young women in consanguineous relationships to help him masturbate.

There is more than one kind person who comes to sites like this one with an ulterior motive.
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Re: about Nicky3000 & Queenlove

on Wed 2 Aug - 21:32
OtherHans, those cases sound like some pretty sad individuals, and you're absolutely right that more than one type of faker exists. But all fakers, and people like that Johnny person all fall under the category of trolls in my opinion. They don't add anything of value to discussion since their content isn't 'real', and they undermine the community.

The worst case of multiple account type of trolling I ever saw was in the mid 2000s. There was, very obviously, one person pretending to be over ten different persons (all of these personas were related of course, and quite naturally, all involved with each other). People started to ask the mod to check if the IP address was the same for all of them and let everyone know (in addition to banning this person if it was proven), and he kept evading it. Then after the forum had been flooded with nonsense for a couple of months, the mod announced that he was the long lost nephew of one of these personalities (although later he contradicted himself and said he was 'her' half-brother, and over the months we also saw characters mysteriously change in age too). Conclusion: the mod was the troll, and no matter how many times he was confronted about it he denied that he was trolling. Eventually somebody figured out it was a middle aged guy, with no life. Thankfully that place any many like it were put out of their misery many years ago.
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Re: about Nicky3000 & Queenlove

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