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Hello everyone

on Wed 23 Aug - 20:47
My name is Carol but everyoe calls me CJ. I'm a 47 year old single mom.
I just started an intimate relationship with my son, who is 23, about 2 weeks ago.
I had long had feelings for him but society and my upbringing told me that was wrong and "normal" moms don't have those feelings so I suppressed them, though they would emerge in my fantsies, which brought on more guilt. A viscious circle.
To make a long story short, he moved back home after graduating college with plans to move into his own place when he started his job. To celebrate, we went out to dinner, had a few drinks, danced a little, etc. There were also some comments made to each other that could be termed as suggestive.
We went home, had a few more drinks and the next thing we knew we were kissing. At first, simple kisses that we both enjoyed. They bbecame more passionate, which led to fondling and touching each other, which led to, well, you know what it led to.
It was by far the best sex ever for me. So full of passion and love for each other. We both expressed our deepening love for one another and desire to continue and build on our relationship.
My issue is that I still feel some guilt about what has happened. "Good moms" don't sleep with their sons, let alone be in love with them as a man and partner. And there is the legal aspect of it all, should anyone find out.
We've discussed it and he has no feelings of guilt or wrong doing. Only a very deep love for me. He says it will pass wiith time and that incest laws are outdated and, with no possibility of my gettng pregnant, that I should just enjoy what we have.
Will it pass or did anyone else here have a similar problem?
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Re: Hello everyone

on Thu 24 Aug - 0:17
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Welcome to the forums, I've upgraded you so you can now access all the forums.

It's normal for parents to feel more guilty than their sons and daughters for one simple reason: conditioning from society. Had the incest taboo not been in place, you probably wouldn't be going through this guilt. Look at it this way, you're both consenting adults, and you're not harming anyone. I'd advise you to listen to your son and realize that you're not doing anything wrong. My dad experienced this guilt, and it eventually lead to him breaking it off with me, and he was my soulmate. My very reason for being active in the movement towards our equal rights is because I don't want other couples suffering like this. You'll find love and acceptance in this place, and that can go a long way towards helping you to accept yourself.
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Re: Hello everyone

on Thu 24 Aug - 12:23
Welcome!

There's nothing wrong with loving each other.

There are also countries and US states where there is no law against you two being together this way.
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Re: Hello everyone

on Thu 24 Aug - 13:21
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I never felt any guilt or shame about my relationship with my father whatsoever. It seemed right to me. We loved each other very much. I don't know that he felt much guilt either. He was more concerned that no one should ever know and he made sure I understood why.
You need to let go of any guilt. You are two adults who love each other and you both are old enough to make the decision to take your relationship to a most intimate level. Enjoy it. Make the most of it. It's something very beautiful and fulfilling. You will never know anything like it again.
I sometimes wonder how many "normal" mothers wouldn't do the same thing if it weren't for the taboo. How many of them, like yourself, have suppressed the desire for an intimate relationship with their sons. Probably quite a few.
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Re: Hello everyone

on Thu 24 Aug - 17:46
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I can't express how happy I am for you and your son, cj47. Your situation is so much like my mom and I. and we are still together, 13 years. The love and excitement you are sharing can last a long time if you stay focused on each other. You ARE a good mom, and he a good son.
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Re: Hello everyone

on Thu 24 Aug - 20:30
First of all, I thank you all for your comments, experiences and support. It really makes a difference knowing that there others out there who have gone through the same things.
I am beginning to feel more comfortable about this. We make love daily and my love for him continues to blossom and grow, as does his for me. We do discuss my reservations about it but they seem to diminish with time, as he said they would.
He has brought up the idea of living together as "husband and wife", at least behind closed doors. All of our other family members live a couple of hours away so they most likely wouldn't be a problem. But I worry about the neighbors talking. You know, "there must be something going on there. Why else would a boy that age still live his mother?" Am I being too sensitive? My son suggested we could move to another part of town or even another city. At least in another city, he feels like we could present ourselves as a married couple.
The biggest part of me wants us to be together, but I don't want anything to cause us problems.
Maybe an answer will come along.
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Re: Hello everyone

on Thu 24 Aug - 20:35
Rick Fortune wrote:I can't express how happy I am for you and your son, cj47. Your situation is so much like my mom and I. and we are still together, 13 years. The love and excitement you are sharing can last a long time if you stay focused on each other. You ARE a good mom, and he a good son.
Rick, I think that is so awesome that you two are together after so long. Congratulations. I hope we do as well. Do you live together? If so, has there been any problems?
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Re: Hello everyone

on Thu 24 Aug - 20:45
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We do live together, first out of convience, then to"look out for mom". We play it like a couple in private and like to be as out as we can when traveling. Comunication is surely the key for sucess.
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Re: Hello everyone

on Thu 24 Aug - 20:47
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If you're worried about what the neighbors will think, try not to. Most of them will probably assume he is still living at home because it's cheaper to live with you and contribute to household costs then if you lived apart. In the current economic climate, that's very believable.
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Re: Hello everyone

on Thu 24 Aug - 21:04
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Your son is 23? I should think nobody would bat an eye at him living with his mum. A sizable chunk of his age cohort move back in with parents after university: it's the new economic reality.
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Re: Hello everyone

on Thu 24 Aug - 21:24
Thank you again for your input. I'm probably worried about nothing as Jane and Willendorfer have mentioned that it is an economic reality these days. As my dad would say, don't be makin' mountains out of molehills. Lol.
It's just that our lives have changed radically in a short period of time. I guess I should just take it a day at a time.
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Re: Hello everyone

on Thu 24 Aug - 21:27
Rick Fortune wrote:We do live together, first out of convience, then to"look out for mom". We play it like a couple in private and like to be as out as we can when traveling. Comunication is surely the key for sucess.
That is a good way to do it. It makes sense. I'd like for us to be out also when we travel. Thank you.
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Re: Hello everyone

on Fri 25 Aug - 11:36
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People are going to talk regardless of your relationship so go for it. If you love each other and are happy as a couple, go for it. I would just suggest that you have a second bedroom that has that "lived in" look for the benefit of any visitors that you don't want to know about your relationship.
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Re: Hello everyone

on Fri 25 Aug - 16:41
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And consider soundproofing your bedroom. Particularly if your neighbours live nearby.
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Re: Hello everyone

on Fri 25 Aug - 21:20
Thank evryone again for your advice. You are a great group of people.
We are going to go ahead and live together from here on to eternity, regardless of what some people may think. We are, however, looking into moving to another part of town for a frsh start. This is a big city with plenty of options.
I've found some great information at another entry here about what to do when living together. Some dos and don'ts that was very helpful. Certainly, the 2nd bedroom is necessary.
I'm so grateful for this site and all the help and info here. It has made this transition in our lives easier, knowing there is somewhere to turn for advice and help.
Thank all of you again and I love all of you. Keep up the good work.
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Re: Hello everyone

on Sat 26 Aug - 0:14
We're glad to be able to help, that's why we're here Smile

The best places to visit for more information are:

http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com (by fullmarriageequality)
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Re: Hello everyone

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