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My intro with backstory

on Wed 27 Sep - 14:11
Not sure if this appropriate for this forum but here is my story. Mom and Dad divorced when I was 10. Lived with Mom. Dad remarried when I was 13 to a woman who is 12 years older than me. Mom called her a trophy wife. Like most teenagers thought she was hot as did my friends. But that's about it. Mom got a new job in another city when I was finishing my sophomore year in HS. Wanted to stay in the city so moved in with dad and stepmom. Was pretty much grown up so Jane (stepmom) was more as a friend. Now two years ago Dad got diagnosed with cancer and ended up passing away earlier this year. During his final year Jane and I spent a lot of time together taking care of Dad. And when Hospice or home health aide came over we went to dinner or a movie. Started developing feelings for her, especially since our ages aren't too far apart and never really looked at her as Mom. We still spend a lot of time together consoling and comforting each other.

So why am I here? I guess just seeing if people feelings about me possibly asking my stepmom out on a real date or not. Thanks in advance.
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Re: My intro with backstory

on Thu 28 Sep - 4:44
I'd advise against moving too quickly. She just lost her husband and it is unlikely that she'll be ready to pursue another relationship in the near future.

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Re: My intro with backstory

on Thu 28 Sep - 6:33
Welcome aboard! I've upgraded your account. Step relations and former step relations do face many of the same issues as consangs.
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Re: My intro with backstory

on Thu 28 Sep - 9:59
Welcome to the forums. She may need more time to grieve for her husband before she is ready to move on and be ready for a new relationship, whether with you or another guy. So my advice would be to take things at her pace, if she is open to the idea.
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Re: My intro with backstory

on Thu 28 Sep - 14:03
Welcome! Sorry for the loss of your dad.

Apparently, in the U.S., it is customary to wait a year before pursuing a relationship with someone who is widowed; a few years back, as soon as the 1 year anniversary of my cousin's death had passed, her widower was bombarded with women wanting to date him. On the other hand, someone I used to know, and whom my parents still do, whose wife died, remarried within one year. So, yeah, I think go at her pace is the best advice.

Also consider the state of your current relationship with her; she's been your friend/stepmom for several years, you've leaned on each other through your dad's death. You might consider if she would take issue with you being so much younger than her. Your dad was much older. Is it possible that she's only interested in dating older people?
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Re: My intro with backstory

on Fri 29 Sep - 16:02
hiya WYGuy, your post's fine, no worries. Like FullMarriageEquality said, step-relations have really similar issues to consangs. If you feel we can help you & you don't mind us, I'm happy having you here. Thank you for sharing so much; if you'd like to say more, feel free.
She'll need time to get her balance back, and that's different for everyone. I'm not sure how you're feeling, I hope you're managing, it hasn't been much time. So take it at her pace, and yours too if you don't feel just-right. You know her (and yourself) better than I do.
in any case, welcome & hope to see you around
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