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North of Regular?

on Mon 19 Feb - 9:59
Hello all,

I am new to this side and I have no idea what 'north of regular' means. Can someone please explain?

Thanks,
Maria
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Re: North of Regular?

on Mon 19 Feb - 11:30
Sure, Maria. Since I invented the term, I guess I could. Smile

It refers to Jane Doe's "Consang(uinamory) Spectrum:" https://consanguinamory.wordpress.com/2017/12/10/is-it-my-orientation-or-not/ Regular means anyone who is absolutely not consanguinamorous. North of it means you're a little bit to a whole lot attracted to relatives.

Wish every question I'd had over the last 24 had been that easy! Smile

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UN

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Re: North of Regular?

on Mon 19 Feb - 16:50
Thanks UN!

This leads to two more questions from my side - hopefully as easy to answer as the first one!

1. Is there also such a thing as:'South of regular'?
2. Is north of regular used to describe people who are only attracted as well as those who have (had) a sexual relationship(s) with close family members?

I am only new here and more used to the wording of the other forum (the GSA Forum), a whole new world here! I am not sure yet where I fit in best.... If I am totally honest, I find that here maybe the seriousness of the harm that can come from relationships like this is underestimated and on the other forum I feel it is overestimated and also there is a lot of references to religion and God on the other website and I am very much an atheist!

I do not want to be judgmental in any way and I do respect everyone's feelings and unusual attributes, but being someone who experiences GSA, I must admit that I do have to get used to the way that family members have been attracted to each other when they have known each other all their lives. I know for a fact that if I had grown up with my GSA brother, I would not have been attracted to him. I have several brothers I grew up with as well and the Westermarck Effect has very much done its job with me :-) It is interesting though, that this is clearly not always the case...

Thanks,
Maria


Last edited by Maria1980 on Mon 19 Feb - 16:52; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Discovered spelling mistake)
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Re: North of Regular?

on Mon 19 Feb - 16:57
Maria1980 wrote:Thanks UN!

No problem, Maria!

Maria1980 wrote:This leads to two more questions from my side - hopefully as easy to answer as the first one!

1. Is there also such a thing as:'South of regular'?

No. Regular is the South Pole. Smile

Maria1980 wrote:2. Is north of regular used to describe people who are only attracted as well as those who have (had) a sexual relationship(s) with close family members?

Absolutely. I have never had a sexual relationship with a family member, but I've been attracted to at least four.

Maria1980 wrote:I am only new here and more used to the wording of the other forum (the GSA Forum), a whole new world here! I am not sure yet where I fit in best.... If I am totally honest, I find that here maybe the seriousness of the harm that can come from relationships like this is underestimated and on the other side I feel it is overestimated and also there is a lot of references to religion and God on the other side and I am very much an atheist!

You're welcome here, Maria. And many of us are Christians without being religious. Smile And many of us struggle with reconciling our faith with our orientation too, but we don't give it up.

Maria1980 wrote:I do not want to be judgmental in any way and I do respect everyone's feelings and unusual attributes, but being someone who experiences GSA, I must admit that I do have to get used to the way that family members have been attracted to each other when they have known each other all their lives. I know for a fact that if I had grown up with my GSA brother, I would not have been attracted to him. I have several brothers I grew up with as well and the Westermarck Effect has very much done its job with me :-) It is interesting though, that this is clearly not always the case...

A lot of GSA people have trouble adapting to being attracted to the person they're attracted to. Non-GSA is maybe a little easier that way, if anything about being north of Regular can be said to be easy.

You're welcome to share here, though I'd suggest taking it to the GSA private forum. We try to understand and help each other as best we can.

Best,
UN

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Re: North of Regular?

on Mon 19 Feb - 18:08
It's good you're speaking your mind maria, I appreciate it. You don't feel judgmental to me. Are there relationship aspects you'd like discussing? I'd like hearing your perspective, though if you don't feel comfortable about it, maybe another time.
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Re: North of Regular?

on Mon 19 Feb - 22:31
Maria, I'm not surprised that you've been a little confused by all of the terminology, but much like other groups of people, we have words to describe ourselves and others.

A regular is somebody who is exclusively attracted to people that are unrelated to them, and 'north of regular' means somebody who is elsewhere on the consanguinamory scale.

In short this is the scale:

Fully Consang - No Westermarck Effect, exclusively attracted to relatives.
Consang-Flexible - No Westermarck Effect, prefers relationships with relatives but could make exceptions for some non-relatives in some circumstances
Bisang - Little to no Westermarck Effect - has no relationship preference either way
Regular-Flexible - Has a degree of Westermarck Effect, prefers to date outside the family but may be willing to make exceptions for some relatives given the right circumstances.
Regular - Strong Westermarck Effect, exclusively attracted to non-relatives.

What you're describing as regards yourself, you'd not have been attracted to your brother if you grew up with him, that's is quite typical for people who have experienced GSA. You most likely experience Westermarck Effect towards your adoptive family.

Non-GSA is a bit different, we just lack the Westermarck Effect naturally, and so we can fall in love with close relatives despite there never being any separation (in my case it was my dad). I know this is something else for you to try to wrap your head around, and yes I know it might be difficult at first. If you stick around for a while and read the threads here, and possibly take a look at my blog (linked to in my signature), you'll find quite a bit of stuff will start to make some more sense to you.
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Re: North of Regular?

on Mon 19 Feb - 22:49
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Re: North of Regular?

on Tue 20 Feb - 1:41
man if North of regular is cosang then we live in Sweden. lol
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Re: North of Regular?

on Tue 20 Feb - 2:06
nenuser1223 wrote:man if North of regular is cosang then we live in Sweden. lol

You can be one centimeter north of it and still be north of it. Smile

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UN

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Re: North of Regular?

on Thu 22 Feb - 12:22
Thank you all very much for the responses and information. I have a lot to learn! I will read more about this when I have a chance and get back to you.

One quick question: you mean that the best place for my story would be the GSA part of this forum? Or is there another 'private' forum that you are referring to?

Also, just to clarify; I am not adopted. I grew up with my mam and have several brothers I grew up with from my mam's side. The brother I experience GSA with is one from my father's side who I met a couple of years ago, when we were both adults. I have other brothers form my father's side too, but he is the only one that I have these feelings for - and he for me. Thankfully, these emotions are so intense; one is (more than!) enough :-)

Thanks,
Maria
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Re: North of Regular?

on Thu 22 Feb - 13:44
Maria1980 wrote:Thank you all very much for the responses and information. I have a lot to learn! I will read more about this when I have a chance and get back to you.

You're welcome, Maria! We're still learning too. Very little of this stuff developed here, including the consang spectrum, is backed up by scientific research. I'd call it folklore. But folklore is what you use before you have science to help you. It seems to work, but there are many things we still don't understand.

Maria1980 wrote:One quick question: you mean that the best place for my story would be the GSA part of this forum? Or is there another 'private' forum that you are referring to?

Either GSA or Your Story would work.

Maria1980 wrote:Also, just to clarify; I am not adopted. I grew up with my mam and have several brothers I grew up with from my mam's side. The brother I experience GSA with is one from my father's side who I met a couple of years ago, when we were both adults. I have other brothers form my father's side too, but he is the only one that I have these feelings for - and he for me. Thankfully, these emotions are so intense; one is (more than!) enough :-)

Gotcha. It doesn't matter how you were separated from your brother when you were kids. Just getting separated during that time is enough to inhibit development of the Westermarck Effect, regardless of how it happens.

And that brings up another interesting point. The consang spectrum might not really apply to GSA, but we can talk about that when you post your story, if you wish.

Best,
UN

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Re: North of Regular?

on Thu 22 Feb - 22:54
Maria, you can post your story either in the GSA forums, or in My Story which is for both GSA and non-GSA stories.

UN is right, the consang scale is more for non-GSA people who lack Westermarck by nature. That doesn't mean that GSA people are never on the scale, only that those who knew that they'd never be involved with anyone they grew up with aren't on it (they'd be regulars were it not for the separation and reunion). Occasionally some people can have both GSA and non-GSA relationships at different points in their lives (which does mean that they're on the scale), or they can have a relationship which isn't easily defined by either of these two labels, for instance, somebody getting involved with a relative who they saw only sometimes during their childhood, like an aunt or uncle who only visits a few times a year, in which case there may be GSA and non-GSA elements to the relationship.
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Re: North of Regular?

on Fri 23 Feb - 4:02
I was thinking today, in regards to a different thread, and now I am wondering, in regards to this one, do we have a glossary? Maybe we should have a glossary.
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Re: North of Regular?

on Fri 23 Feb - 8:30
J.S. Money wrote:I was thinking today, in regards to a different thread, and now I am wondering, in regards to this one, do we have a glossary? Maybe we should have a glossary.

I don’t think we do here. FME has one that also includes poly and LGBT terms: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/p/glossary.html

We certainly have enough neologisms floating around that having our own would be helpful.

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UN

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Re: North of Regular?

on Fri 23 Feb - 14:42
This is not in order, of course, but here are some of the terms we could have in the glossary:

KS - Kindred Spirits
Friend(s) of Lily
Lily Pad
Ally/Allies
Rat (someone who outs a Consang and/or exposes them to law enforcement)
Regular
Consang
Bisang
Flexible or North
Reunion GSA
Polyamorous/polyamory
Open relationship
BDSM (I know most people know so,e of these terms, but not everyone does)
Faker - Imposter, perhaps a fetishist or troll
Coming Out
Red Button (when one person, usually the older or more physically imposing, falsely confesses to abuse to protect their consensual partner(s) from prosecution or ridicule)
FME
Marriage equality
Bigot
Discredited Argument
F/D
F/S
M/S
M/D
B/S
S/S
B/B

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Re: North of Regular?

on Fri 23 Feb - 14:54
Good start, Keith! A lot of these I hadn't heard before. Must be borrowed from other lifestyles.

FullMarriageEquality wrote:Flexible or North

North isn't flexible at all if you're all the way north.

Also:


  • Troll
  • Fap site
  • Consanguinamory (how could we forget?)
  • Forum name
  • Newbie
  • Consang spectrum
  • Supporter (see ally)


I'll probably think of some others, but I'll try to avoid inventing any.

This is worth its own thread.

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UN

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Re: North of Regular?

on Fri 23 Feb - 20:07
Don't we have a page about this? in our wiki?
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Re: North of Regular?

on Sat 24 Feb - 2:07
Right about flexible or north... I meant that to touch on the spectrum with all the terms.

Some others:

Westermarck Effect
Displacement/Surrogate (when you seek out unrelated lovers who are like the relative(s) you really want)
The Talk or The Conversation (could be ongoing... When you bring up your feelings to the person or people to whom you're attracted)
Closeted, In the closet
Beard (some you're with as a cover to hide that you're Consang)
Family With Benefits
Fetishist

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