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Moms reveal heartbreaking reasons they abandoned their kids

on Sun 25 Feb - 13:56
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http://www.rebelcircus.com/blog/moms-reveal-heartbreaking-reasons-abandoned-kids/

Call me triggered but most of these reasons are heartbreaking because of how selfish these women are. I'm sorry but this is just disgusting and to see people defend such awful selfishness.

You need to find yourself?
You want to write a book?
You want to travel?
Those are not heartbreaking reasons to leave your kids. Those are heartbreaking reasons those kids were abandoned. Evil or Very Mad
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Re: Moms reveal heartbreaking reasons they abandoned their kids

on Sun 25 Feb - 16:52
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You are correct, those are heartbreaking reasons for abandonment. It would do to remember that the article is not wrong, however - this behaviour among noncustodial dads is seen as normal and acceptable. If the dad is providing child support, much of our society thinks that is good enough.

I never have felt that way. One of my exes was pregnant with my child my senior year of high school. We had discussed the idea of parenthood thorougly before even having sex, so I felt comfortable and even quite excited. Near the end of the school year - and a few months jnto the pregnancy - she started expressing her plans to travel. I wasn't thrilled, but tried to plan with her. It turned out the reason she didn't consult me before starting her plans was because she didn't think I needed to be involved. After all, her dad wasn't particularly involved, why should I be?

The following miscarriage - and adjacent breakup - were in many ways a relief. I still grieve for Nicholai, but their parents were at least not constantly embroiled in conflict.

Of course, the children she ended up having later did not dodge that fate.

The idea that parents of any gender should abandon their children is anathema to me. When my parents separated and my father moved hours away for school and then work, it grieved me. I was sad for so long.

He showed his love - he made the six hour round trip twice every other weekend for the opportunity to see us.

But it was still wrong, I feel.

It was what my mother wanted, though.

...Most of this should probably be in the "your story" forum. Oops.

I am a game designer. It is my calling. I write stories that are meant to be experienced in that way. But with my two kids and medically needy wife, I find myself in two full time jobs that are not related to my chosen field. It is a special hell some days.

But I do not take my computer and drive off to another state to start fresh.

That is not what a parent does. Not to see the world. Not to write a book.

I'm mostly woth you - it's just not fair to be harsher to the moms than the dads.
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Re: Moms reveal heartbreaking reasons they abandoned their kids

on Sun 25 Feb - 17:04
Dads should step up more. I have a skewed perspective because my dad did step up and my mom left me. I agree we should expect dads to stay in their kids lives. What bothers me is the article basiclly is saying of its ok for a dad to be a deadbeat then it is for mom too instead of saying its not ok for anyone
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Re: Moms reveal heartbreaking reasons they abandoned their kids

on Sun 25 Feb - 17:53
In at least one of those cases, the dad was more than a deadbeat. He drove the mom into insolvency, so she was forced to give the kids to him to protect them from poverty.

I dated a lady in a similar situation. The dad had essentially kidnapped the kids to Germany and was blackmailing her with the threat of cutting off all access unless she paid up.

Celes, I’d like to sic you and your dad on those guys for some constructive butt-kicking.

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Re: Moms reveal heartbreaking reasons they abandoned their kids

on Sun 25 Feb - 19:21
Hear, hear.
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Re: Moms reveal heartbreaking reasons they abandoned their kids

on Sun 25 Feb - 23:26
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It is one thing for a parent not to have custody (as a parent without custody can still have regular contact with the child, it happens all the time when relationships and marriages end), it is quite another for a parent to abandon a child. You're right of course that things like writing a book or travelling are NOT reasonable excuses for abandonment, they are extremely selfish reasons. And it shouldn't matter whether the abandonment is done by the mother or the father, it takes two to make a baby, and it should take two to raise it to adulthood. If somebody isn't sure whether they want a child or aren't ready yet: for the love of God use contraception, that's what it's there for.
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Re: Moms reveal heartbreaking reasons they abandoned their kids

on Mon 26 Feb - 0:47
I guess it shouldn't be surprising that members here would be of a consensus about parents caring for their children XD

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Re: Moms reveal heartbreaking reasons they abandoned their kids

on Mon 26 Feb - 1:03
"They’d never understand why Mommy has to study for an exam. They'd say, 'Where's dinner?’"
My parents were both hard workers, sometimes not around often. I understood why. They were missed, but I knew we needed shelter, food, and utilities. And that they were sacrificing much of themselves. Of course they made mistakes, parents are people too. They did their best.

These stories. I wonder what their lives were like. It's not easy describing complex motivations in a paragraph. Perhaps their motives were selfish, or perhaps there's more to it. I'd like believing that, though that doesn't make it true.
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Re: Moms reveal heartbreaking reasons they abandoned their kids

on Mon 26 Feb - 1:07
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This is Chris,
I can only speak from my experience but Steph's mom and I married very young and 7 months later our son, Steph's brother, was born and then Steph came along. We were not prepared to be parents and had no support system or backup. Steph's mom simply said that she wasn't cut out to be a mother and packed her crap and walked out. I tried for months to make things better for her and tried to get her to come back to us but she wasn't going to be a mom. She did come back once for a couple of years and she was terrible to live with and was mean to the kids. I thought kids needed their mother up until then and it wass clear that they would be better off without her. I raised them after this as a single parent and I have no regrets.
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Re: Moms reveal heartbreaking reasons they abandoned their kids

on Mon 26 Feb - 5:27
Rain - I see what you mean. I want to think the motivations were more complex on one hand, but on the other hand I've seen people who appear to have had plenty simple motivations for doing such horrible things.

I know economic things can be powerful motivators. I get that parents have to work and miss out on time with their kids. I mentioned above that I work two full time jobs. I don't see my kids much. But I work as hard as I do FOR them. And their mother, yes, but admittedly mostly for the kids. They appreciate it, but I know that they also miss me and want me home more.
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Re: Moms reveal heartbreaking reasons they abandoned their kids

on Mon 26 Feb - 9:06
BSSM, if there’s any way you can get more quality time with your kids, please do it. Even if it means living more frugally. They need a daddy more than they need stuff. You’ll never regret it.

Some friends of ours are also suffering as a family now because the dad thinks he’s forced into an epic commute. They’ve got two incomes and could live on less, and he could retrain for something he could do closer to home, but he won’t. It breaks my heart to watch them.

Jobs and money are just not worth it.

Best,
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Re: Moms reveal heartbreaking reasons they abandoned their kids

on Mon 26 Feb - 21:00
I agree with you unowen, though what people want & what they need aren't always easily distinguished. And Magick, I don't know what your circumstances are like. If you'd like talking about it, you wouldn't bother me. Maybe there's ways we could help you save income, help you have more free time.
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