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The institution took my boy away.

on Tue 20 Mar - 1:47
In off-topic, because it has nothing to do with sang, but we just got tricked into walking into an institution with a recommendation for an "assessment" for our 7 year old boy.

They took him from us amid crying and screaming. They claim they will give him back in a few days, but they also claimed he would get hourly phone calls, instead of five minutes three times a week.

It is crystal clear to me that they are just doing a moneygrab for medicaid funds.

I feel murderous, and there is so little I can do.
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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Tue 20 Mar - 1:54
I’m going to presume here that you aren’t under any kind of legal threat.

If not, then demand his immediate release and document your demand. If they refuse, then call the police and charge them with kidnapping.

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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Tue 20 Mar - 3:27
There is a law here that allows them to hold him for 72 hours (even without any official medical reason), and if we "force them" to use it, they also call DHS on us - and then they are all up in our business, harassing us for who knows how long. Our hands are basically tied in terms of police action.

So there's SOME legal threat. It's not definitive, but DHS here sometimes gets way more involved than they should.

DHS once harassed my sister and were threatening to take her kids because they walked to school in the rain.

Mind you, they live so close to the school that it was like a five minute walk and the school won't bus them because of the distance.

DHS also caused no small share of wreckage in my own childhood by clinging to and encouraging my mother on her fraudulent (psychotic) claims.
EDIT:
Thank you for the advice - I *wish* I could use it.

I strongly considered hulking out, busting through the drywall and styrofoam exterior walls and just tailing it to Canada (wow, what a drive), but my boy talked me down. I wanted him to know that we weren't giving up on him and were fighting for him.

I hate feeling like I made him make the responsible choice instead of me... but I needed him to know that I would aboslutely do anything for his safety.

Hell, that's why I agreed he should go to therapy in the first place, despite all the warning bells that therapists always set off for ... well... people like us in general?
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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Tue 20 Mar - 8:43
DHS in this context means  a state Department of Human Services, not the Federal Department of Homeland Security, right? Just in case anyone gets the wrong idea.

From your original post, how did they trick you into handing your boy over?

Good choice not to “hulk out.”

Re your son’s therapy: You’re right, and I hadn’t even thought about it before. Consangs are at special risk when it comes to government encroachment on normal, healthy parent-child relationships. But I was also through therapy as a kid, and it never did anything for me except give me a tag as “screwed up” among my friends.

Walking to school in the rain. Up until I was about 12, I walked a mile each way to school in whatever kind of weather. Nobody gave it a second thought because there were decent sidewalks and crossing guards and I’d been taught about traffic safety. Now it’s a matter for The Authorities.

Not too much to do for the moment, then, unless you can lawyer up. Love and support the boy a lot when you get him back. Take care of the rest of your family, and yourself, while he’s gone. Pray. Next election, maybe get politically active. I avoid talking politics in the forum, BTW.

Best,
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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Tue 20 Mar - 20:04
Unowen's assessment sounds about right. Unfortunately it doesn't look like there's much to do at the moment.
In the meanwhile. If you have time, maybe make little things for when he's released back to you. That way there's tangible things you can give him (like cards, or arts & crafts), showing how you thought about him all the while. Does this sound good to you & yours?

As for therapy I totally understand. You're doing good by him, even though it's risky. Some therapists aren't so bad. Others... well, it's not my story to share. My experiences weren't remarkable.
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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Tue 20 Mar - 23:41
OMG that's awful. I hope you get him back home soon!

Also, since when was it wrong to walk kids to school in the rain? I've walked my little one to school in the rain several times, being in the UK where it rains often (and by often I mean daily at some times of the year, a couple of times a week during the drier seasons) there isn't much choice about it. You just provide an umbrella, a raincoat, and some wellington boots to stop the bottom of their trousers from getting wet, and it's not a problem, the kid will arrive dry or almost dry unless there is an extreme rainstorm (most commonly occuring in summer). Thank God CPS over here doesn't harass people for walking kids in the rain, otherwise every parent in the country would get done! People here can however get done for NOT sending their kids to school during wet weather, rain isn't an excuse. In fact, the only time the weather can be used as an excuse for not sending a child to school is in the snow, in fact many schools close if it's snowed (in case parents sue for injuries when people fall on the ice), and some remain open but leave it up to the parent whether to bring the children to school or not, in which case it's venture out at your own risk. As long as the shoes have decent grips it should be reasonably safe to walk in snow.

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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Wed 21 Mar - 2:48
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Wed 21 Mar - 4:22
Jane - we expect to, but its so terrifying. If they can get medicaid to pay them for it, they'll hold him as long as they can. They've been changing his meds, and now I'm afraid they will have "adjustment times" as an excuse for holding him. Oh! And the med they tried to give him before we researched it and threw a fit isn't even FDA approved for anyone under 10! He's 7!

It's just so frustrating that we tried so hard to be doing what's right for him and get punished this way. Meanwhile, my sister took her oldest to the therapist for threatening to stab her other children with a fork repeatedly, and they just got laughed out of the office.

Rain - we know we're trying to do what's best for him, and we will continue - albeit probably with a different therapist since trust has been murdered with a nail bat.

Unowen - yes, Department of Human Services. Your suggestions are all what we are basically doing.

As for how they tricked us? We were talking it over with the therapist and warming up to the idea and she told us to just "go for the assessment and talk to them more about it there." Trick is - when you walk in the door with a referral you belong to them until they decide otherwise.

We were only warming up to it in the first place because the therapist lied to us and said he would have a phone in his room and be able to talk to us anytime he wanted. He gets three five minute calls and two 1 hour visits a week. She talked about "visiting hours" like it was a thing they'd have every day. Like hospital visiting hours, you know?

She lied to us so much.

We trusted her.

I feel so stupid and naive.
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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Wed 21 Mar - 6:10
Magick,

Another possibility would be to go up the chain of command. State representatives, governor. The media. Maybe file a Medicaid fraud complaint with the feds. Make as much noise as possible.

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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Wed 21 Mar - 18:34
This is just terrible.
She gave you reason to trust her, all we can do is learn from it. Saying that, I understand why you don't feel good about your decision, it would deeply bother me as well. As long as you have him back, that's what matters. They shouldn't have given him that other medication; it's a good thing you caught it.
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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Thu 22 Mar - 4:08
I think they are running out of the time they have. I *did* want my son in *a* program. This one ended up NOT being the one I wanted, but having him in one for a few days was the goal. If they try to hold him longer, we have steps to follow from our lawyer. Those steps involve some of the things Unowen mentioned.

I hope to have him back tomorrow afternoon, and then we simply know what to avoid talking to therapists about in the future.
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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Sat 24 Mar - 4:27
he is safe and home
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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Sat 24 Mar - 4:52
Bloodsexsugarmagick wrote:he is safe and home

...AMEN!

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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Sun 25 Mar - 20:50
Good hearing magick, than you for letting us know
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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Sun 25 Mar - 23:41
I'm glad he's now home... but Jeez, what an ordeal.

Also, they gave him meds that were NOT FDA approved? Isn't that against the law? Over here, doctors (whether NHS or private sector) cannot prescribe drugs that have not been approved by NICE, because it's against the law. The whole idea of drug approval is to make sure that it's safe for the patients!
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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Tue 27 Mar - 16:44
Over here, it is called "going off label" and insurance frequently won't pay for it, but apparently it is legal.

They informed us of the change in meds and we told them no after my wife researched it. they never actually gave him the pill, but only because we raised such a stink for them.
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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Wed 28 Mar - 23:16
Thats disgusting, as the parents you should be consulted and they should have your written permission before providing any treatment which is non-urgent. Here that is standard procedure. In life threatening cases they treat a child without the parents consent (of course if the childs life is in the balance, such treatement wouldn't be in question anyway), but in cases of minor illness, the schools always seek parents permission before administering treatments. This is why whe my child got to school, I had to sign a form to say I was happy for them to administer paracetamol if she became unwell, and to apply antiseptic and a plaster to any minor injuries which resulted in breaking the skin (like falling over an getting a graze for example). If such small injuries occur, I can expect a small slip to appear in her school bag explaining the injuy and treatment given. The schools here have to cover their arses legally, and going 'off the label; would NOT be tolerated in the UK in any way. An NHS doctor doing that here would expect to get fired!
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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Thu 29 Mar - 18:43
That sounds like a dream, Jane. Am very jealous.
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Re: The institution took my boy away.

on Thu 29 Mar - 23:23
To be honest I am surprised to learn any country works differently to this. The state here does have a great deal of authority when it comes to safeguarding children that they suspect are being abused, but when it comes to the treatment of illness the parents are always consulted. The only time the state will interviene is when the parents are denying their child treatment which could save their life. For instance, if a Jehovahs witness child is bleeding to death from a serious injury, the child will be given a blood transfusion whether the parents like it or not. While care is given to the beliefs of the parents, in life or death situations it is preserving life which is the priority, and rightly so. That said, we do have an overbearing nanny state where social services could become involved in a childs life for any number of petty reasons, in most cases this doesn't result in the child being taken into custody, but it does if it is discovered that the parents are unsuitable (such as being drug addicts who can't actually look after the child, stuff like that). For the most part, it works, but in some cases interference is not necessry.
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