Introduction

Hi.
I'm a mid/late 20s female who had an extended sexual relationship with my parents.
I've read the rules and tbh I'm not sure I'm exactly an "ally." Lol. It wasn't an overall positive experience and kind of wrecked my family, so I'm not all rah-rah about things.
I'm in a much better spot mentally and emotionally now, so I'm looking for a place to work through and unpack things and understand what experiences others have had.
I started out at Reddit, which was legit a disaster, and I'm just hoping this site is cool about honesty and reflection and not just for cheerleaders, because there's really nowhere you can go with stuff like this. Like, there was good and bad, but I can't pretend the bad doesn't exist, and there's probably more of that than good.
So there!

Annie, how old were you when things started?

Things started when I was 18 and lasted until I was 22, when I decided to separate myself from stuff. It was consensual, and I was actually the initiator.

Im actually curious to know more about your story BECAUSE it wasnt all positive.

Well, I'm probably not looking to post much in the public side of the forums just because of privacy reasons and stuff. I'm paranoid about that.
But things ended up breaking down partially just because of the dynamics in every family. It's not really a typical situation, obviously. It brings a lot of stress to the table that wouldn't be there, otherwise. There's also the secrecy aspect that just wore everyone down after a while. It started out awesome but deteriorated to the point where I couldn't still be a part of it and maintain my mental health.

Obviously wait till your approval comes through and discuss it further in members. Once you get approved theres a thread I started Id like your perspective on.

Before I (or one of the others) gives access, I just want to make sure you understand, Annie, that we are supportive of involved people. Sober warnings are useful, and you’ll be welcome to tell your story, but if you’re likely to give blanket discouragement, this wouldn’t be the place for you. I don’t think that’s your mindset, but I wanted to be sure. If you’re willing to give others support in their ongoing relationships, you’ll get support in return even if your involvement in such a relationship is permanently over. Does that make sense?

Hey, Keith,

It’s your call whether to upgrade Annie’s membership or not, since you talked to her first. But I’ll say this, mainly for others who read the intros.

We get a steady stream of newcomers who aren’t involved with a relative and want to be. For some of them, it’s the right thing to do. But not for all of them.

I think the perspective of an active member whose relationship didn’t work out well would be useful. As long as it’s not blanket discouragement, as you say. I also get the impression that that’s not Annie’s motive, but I’ll also let her confirm that.

We try to support everyone who comes in these doors. And sometimes that means supporting them to back off.

Best,
UN

I think its important to have negative perspectives so this place doesn't become an echo chamber but one of honest discussions of all the aspects of these complicated relationships even the bad ones because it doesnt work out for everyone.

FullMarriageEquality wrote:Before I (or one of the others) gives access, I just want to make sure you understand, Annie, that we are supportive of involved people. Sober warnings are useful, and you’ll be welcome to tell your story, but if you’re likely to give blanket discouragement, this wouldn’t be the place for you. I don’t think that’s your mindset, but I wanted to be sure. If you’re willing to give others support in their ongoing relationships, you’ll get support in return even if your involvement in such a relationship is permanently over. Does that make sense?

I'm not exactly an in-your-face kind of person, or very vocal, really.  I don't know how much I'll be participating.  I guess it depends on the community.  So I won't be jumping in every thread to shout at people.  Lol.  I think if you're a consenting adult you should be able to (pretty much) do as you please.  

But I'll tell you about my Reddit experience.  I ended up there because there aren't a lot of places to exchange honestly on this topic.  It was a mess.  Like, everyone there is just spitting out these fantasies about being with parents, and aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters, and what a magical wonderland it would be.  And when I'd comment, it was on my experiences, and I'd be like, Well, sometimes fantasies should be left as fantasies.  You know?  This introduces a ton of stresses and complexities and not every family can survive that.  I thought I had an awesome, strong family, but looking back I see this just wasn't the thing to do.  Is it worth possibly losing your family/parents/siblings over this?  I mean, for me it hasn't been.

I totally get if this community is just for support.  Maybe my experiences wouldn't be welcome.  But I've seen so many "OMG that's so cool!" posts that sometimes I just want to say, "Well, there's another side."

Edit: I should probably say that I'm not actively proselytizing against whatever choices people make. Like, if you're in a healthy relationship, I'm happy for you. I think I'm really just talking about people who have this as some fantasy or romanticize this as some kind of idyllic lifestyle, or maybe are even thinking about it IRL. I'm just saying it's not all rainbows and skittles. Things change in your life that you can't get back.

AnnieK wrote:

FullMarriageEquality wrote:Before I (or one of the others) gives access, I just want to make sure you understand, Annie, that we are supportive of involved people. Sober warnings are useful, and you’ll be welcome to tell your story, but if you’re likely to give blanket discouragement, this wouldn’t be the place for you. I don’t think that’s your mindset, but I wanted to be sure. If you’re willing to give others support in their ongoing relationships, you’ll get support in return even if your involvement in such a relationship is permanently over. Does that make sense?

I'm not exactly an in-your-face kind of person, or very vocal, really.  I don't know how much I'll be participating.  I guess it depends on the community.  So I won't be jumping in every thread to shout at people.  Lol.  I think if you're a consenting adult you should be able to (pretty much) do as you please.  

But I'll tell you about my Reddit experience.  I ended up there because there aren't a lot of places to exchange honestly on this topic.  It was a mess.  Like, everyone there is just spitting out these fantasies about being with parents, and aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters, and what a magical wonderland it would be.  And when I'd comment, it was on my experiences, and I'd be like, Well, sometimes fantasies should be left as fantasies.  You know?  This introduces a ton of stresses and complexities and not every family can survive that.  I thought I had an awesome, strong family, but looking back I see this just wasn't the thing to do.  Is it worth possibly losing your family/parents/siblings over this?  I mean, for me it hasn't been.

I totally get if this community is just for support.  Maybe my experiences wouldn't be welcome.  But I've seen so many "OMG that's so cool!" posts that sometimes I just want to say, "Well, there's another side."

I cant speak for everyone but I welcome your perspective and feel it would be beneficial to having an honest discussion about our experiences.

Mr Reese wrote:

AnnieK wrote:

FullMarriageEquality wrote:Before I (or one of the others) gives access, I just want to make sure you understand, Annie, that we are supportive of involved people. Sober warnings are useful, and you’ll be welcome to tell your story, but if you’re likely to give blanket discouragement, this wouldn’t be the place for you. I don’t think that’s your mindset, but I wanted to be sure. If you’re willing to give others support in their ongoing relationships, you’ll get support in return even if your involvement in such a relationship is permanently over. Does that make sense?

I'm not exactly an in-your-face kind of person, or very vocal, really.  I don't know how much I'll be participating.  I guess it depends on the community.  So I won't be jumping in every thread to shout at people.  Lol.  I think if you're a consenting adult you should be able to (pretty much) do as you please.  

But I'll tell you about my Reddit experience.  I ended up there because there aren't a lot of places to exchange honestly on this topic.  It was a mess.  Like, everyone there is just spitting out these fantasies about being with parents, and aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters, and what a magical wonderland it would be.  And when I'd comment, it was on my experiences, and I'd be like, Well, sometimes fantasies should be left as fantasies.  You know?  This introduces a ton of stresses and complexities and not every family can survive that.  I thought I had an awesome, strong family, but looking back I see this just wasn't the thing to do.  Is it worth possibly losing your family/parents/siblings over this?  I mean, for me it hasn't been.

I totally get if this community is just for support.  Maybe my experiences wouldn't be welcome.  But I've seen so many "OMG that's so cool!" posts that sometimes I just want to say, "Well, there's another side."

I cant speak for everyone but I welcome your perspective and feel it would be beneficial to having an honest discussion about our experiences.

Thank you.

Hi, Annie,

That's good enough for me, and I think it'll be good enough for Keith too. You're in.

Welcome to KS! Glad to have you here. Sorry for all the extra drama around admitting you. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Best,
UN

Thank you!
And no problem, I understand. I won't be a nuisance, I swear!

AnnieK wrote:Thank you!
And no problem, I understand.  I won't be a nuisance, I swear!  

Awwww, don't worry about it, Annie! In fact, being a nuisance will earn you bonus points.

Best,
UN

Welcome aboard!

Thanks UN.

Welcome AnnieK, you're welcome to share your story in the private areas of the forum 'your story' would be the best place to do that