Father-Daughter Love

Hello! I am an adoptee in reunion who began a consensual sexual relationship with my birth father 6 months in to our first meeting. I am truly in love with him and we are extremely close. I plan to leave my marriage to be with him in the future but for now its complicated as we are both married and I am a Christian minister. I am also in the process of losing my faith so a lot going on at the moment!

Hi, Anna, welcome to Kindred Spirits. I’ve upgraded your membership.

Yes, it does sound like you have a lot going on. I hope you’ll tell us more about your situation in the GSA or Your Story forum.

And, for what it’s worth I’m also a Christian, but one who sticks to the words that Jesus said. Which, I believe, do not condemn you for your love for your father. You might not need to lose your faith as much as to find its true core and lose the bosh that’s stuck to it over the centuries. We can talk about that more on the inside if you’d like.

Stay safe,
UN

Welcome Anna! I am an ally. We are so glad you have joined us!

too many things, too much together, too fast ...

• losing faith (I do not comment on the moral question, because I am a convinced atheist), implies a demolition of certain certainties rooted in the soul, implies having to answer about who one is as a person and implies having to invent a new working life ... .. (since you are now a Christian minister)

• meeting your father again, or for the first time, implies that if the encounter is positive, "literally" 1000 sensations and feelings that you have carried with you for many years explode, questions that can finally receive answers, pieces of personality of yourself finally finding the right role and place within the soul ... difficult, very difficult to stay cold, and separate what is purely emotional impact from what it really is, difficult to separate the feelings of parent/child love from a man/woman love and so on ....

• both the first two points have and will have a strong influence on yours current marriages ... so there will be another upheaval in one's life and past ... both on a purely practical level, as well as in one's feelings and in one's mental serenity ....

As I said .... too much ....
Human (within a certain profile, he is not a particularly long-lived creature, and the future is unknown, often unexpected can always happen), but within the limits of the "reasonable" one or two years they represent nothing at all within a lifetime ... so I would proceed calmly ...

The "too much" must be disposed of and sorted ...
so I would start trying to focus on which of all these things is actually the one you feel most deeply important and decisive .... If you can do it, then you can be able to forget it for a moment, and focus on everything else and a piece at a time, eliminate (or put in order) all this background noise that overwhelms you ....

If you can find solutions, compromises, decisions, or choices made in a logical, sincere and coherent way with yourself that will lead you to get rid of all the "boundaries", then you can finally return to focus and address the last point which is that that most touches and interests ....

Time and patience, just that ....
Some of us, act on impulse, and they are lucky, they make the right choices or in any case they upset everything for the better for themselves, but they are rare cases ..... generally for many of us the opposite would happen; and as I said, one or two years are not many after all ... and they also give you a way to experience the result of your choices made one at a time, helping you to understand if you are proceeding along the most suitable path for yourself .. .

Good luck

I agree Dag it has been a lot to deal with in the space of 2 years since our reunion. I will consider your words and try to focus on what is most important. My marriage was unhappy before I found him. He did not raise me. Didn't know I existed. He loves me like I need to be loved and its incredibly healing. I have returned to study psychology as a way out of my career and very interested in research into GSA.

Anna wrote:Hello! I am an adoptee in reunion who began a consensual sexual relationship with my birth father 6 months in to our first meeting. I am truly in love with him and we are extremely close. I plan to leave my marriage to be with him in the future but for now its complicated as we are both married and I am a Christian minister. I am also in the process of losing my faith so a lot going on at the moment!

Anna,
I pray this helps you hold onto your faith.
It must be God's will that I just finished this.
https://ks2016.forumactif.fr/t1756p25-should-the-bible-be-redacted#21006

Anna, also please see https://ks2016.forumactif.fr/t1802-christianity-bible-study-thread for some thoughts on the Christian theology of consanguinamory and other nontraditional relationships. We do have quite a few Christians on KS. And I’d appreciate your comments too.

For the opposing voice, there’s https://ks2016.forumactif.fr/t2026-christians-vs-lions . Probably nothing you haven’t already heard many, many times.

Stay safe,
UN

Welcome aboard! Congrats on your love.

As you can already tell, we do have other Christians here. Since you have experience as Christian minister, I hope have realized that the Bible has far fewer *continuing* restrictions on love than many denominations/organizations would have us believe. Also, leaving formal ministry and an organization doesn’t require a complete loss of faith. But that’s your journey to make and I’m not here to push you one way or the other.