39 year old mother with son

Hello everyone,

I'm a 39 year old mother active with 20 yr old son, only started around 6 months ago. I come from quite a strict & repressed country where even usual sexual relationships are taboo (usually married off early) so this is off the charts however I am happy to be here and glad to hopefully make acquaintance with like minded people.

Hi, Abra, welcome to Kindred Spirits, and congratulations on your new relationship with your son. I’ve upgraded your account.

We’ve had quite a few moms join recently, so please make yourself at home! Your son is welcome here, too.

Stay safe,
UN

It's good to see another mother here! I have that same special relationship with my son too, and I know all the feelings you have very well! I hope we can become friends to support each other. Let me know if there's anything we can help you with. Maybe sharing your story in the forum will help you. For me, getting everything out here that I was struggling with really helped me in processing my feelings. And I was given such good advice too.

Welcome aboard!

Welcome Abracadabra1!

Hope1079 wrote:It's good to see another mother here! I have that same special relationship with my son too, and I know all the feelings you have very well! I hope we can become friends to support each other. Let me know if there's anything we can help you with. Maybe sharing your story in the forum will help you. For me, getting everything out here that I was struggling with really helped me in processing my feelings. And I was given such good advice too.

I would like to talk to You... please

Abracadabra1 wrote:Hello everyone,

I'm a 39 year old mother active with 20 yr old son, only started around 6 months ago. I come from quite a strict & repressed country where even usual sexual relationships are taboo (usually married off early) so this is off the charts however I am happy to be here and glad to hopefully make acquaintance with like minded people.

I would be happy to talk to You... seems we have similar.. life stories...

Welcome aboard.. how did it all start with your son? What’s the dynamic with you both like now?

I have always wondered why there are always people who leave one or two messages and then disappear, or is it that they only do it to access the other areas of the forum????

Probably different reasons for different people, Oedipus. And I have no notion why it happened here, or even really that it did.

Stay safe,
UN

It’s a good question. Did they expect something different than what they found here? Did they think they had nothing to add? Was their situation “resolved?” Did their partner(s) freak out about them being here?

Abracadabra1 wrote:Hello everyone,

I'm a 39 year old mother active with 20 yr old son, only started around 6 months ago. I come from quite a strict & repressed country where even usual sexual relationships are taboo (usually married off early) so this is off the charts however I am happy to be here and glad to hopefully make acquaintance with like minded people.

Actually, I’m in kind of a similar situation but there is lots of confusion. I’m 42 , single male & she is 64. There is some kind of sexual tension between us but I’m not sure how to proceed.

I’ve wanted a relationship like this with my mom for so many yrs but it’s impossible

Hope1079 wrote:It's good to see another mother here! I have that same special relationship with my son too, and I know all the feelings you have very well! I hope we can become friends to support each other. Let me know if there's anything we can help you with. Maybe sharing your story in the forum will help you. For me, getting everything out here that I was struggling with really helped me in processing my feelings. And I was given such good advice too.

If you don't mind, may I ask you a few questions,

1. Were you worried that opening up a consanguineous bond with your son might have compromised your relationship as a mother? I have always been the authoritative one with my husband being the good cop. But after the recent relationship, the boundaries have become hazy and everything feels complicated.

2. Have you ever felt guilty and worried that you are holding back your son from a normal adulthood where he is supposed to enjoy the usual dating life at his prime.

3. How do you handle the secretive aspect of the relationship and deal with the fear of it being exposed, the feelings of shame and guilt?

I know for a fact that my husband or daughter will never understand what has happened at least in my case. Thankfully my son is emotionally mature and discreet but I still feel paranoid half the time. I am usually well organized and used to being in control but recently I have been feeling like a downer. It has been my son who has taken the lead in the planning aspect of the relationships as I silly feel bad and guilty to do it.

4. Do you worry about future?

I am sorry for the barrage of questions but this seems to be a safe space.

Thanks,
Shana

Shana, I believe Hope is long gone. If she was ever really here at all…

But, I think others could still answer your questions about your concerns. They are quite common in mom-son relationships. And others.

Stay safe,
UN

Shana wrote:

Hope1079 wrote:It's good to see another mother here! I have that same special relationship with my son too, and I know all the feelings you have very well! I hope we can become friends to support each other. Let me know if there's anything we can help you with. Maybe sharing your story in the forum will help you. For me, getting everything out here that I was struggling with really helped me in processing my feelings. And I was given such good advice too.

If you don't mind, may I ask you a few questions,

1. Were you worried that opening up a consanguineous bond with your son might have compromised your relationship as a mother? I have always been the authoritative one with my husband being the good cop. But after the recent relationship, the boundaries have become hazy and everything feels complicated.

2. Have you ever felt guilty and worried that you are holding back your son from a normal adulthood where he is supposed to enjoy the usual dating life at his prime.

3. How do you handle the secretive aspect of the relationship and deal with the fear of it being exposed, the feelings of shame and guilt?

I know for a fact that my husband or daughter will never understand what has happened at least in my case. Thankfully my son is emotionally mature and discreet but I still feel paranoid half the time. I am usually well organized and used to being in control but recently I have been feeling like a downer. It has been my son who has taken the lead in the planning aspect of the relationships as I silly feel bad and guilty to do it.

4. Do you worry about future?

I am sorry for the barrage of questions but this seems to be a safe space.

Thanks,
Shana

Hi Shana. I responded to your message on Wire. I can help you with these questions and more.

Shana, be cool, like your son. Mom and I were together for 18 years till I lost her to cancer. Just love your boy-my mom did and even though its hard not having her, those were the best years of my life.

FabVet wrote:

Abracadabra1 wrote:Hello everyone,

I'm a 39 year old mother active with 20 yr old son, only started around 6 months ago. I come from quite a strict & repressed country where even usual sexual relationships are taboo (usually married off early) so this is off the charts however I am happy to be here and glad to hopefully make acquaintance with like minded people.

Actually, I’m in kind of a similar situation but there is lots of confusion. I’m 42 , single male & she is 64. There is some kind of sexual tension between us but I’m not sure how to proceed.

FabVet - I sent a PM to you about this post, hoping to shed light on a sort of similar situation I posted on this forum. If you want any kind of insight from a shared experience, let me know.

Oedipus95 wrote:I have always wondered why there are always people who leave one or two messages and then disappear, or is it that they only do it to access the other areas of the forum????

I’m on and off of here, but I’m always willing to share my secure email if someone really wants to have a conversation. Or talk here whenever I’m on.

Hi congrats I'm hoping to start talking to some one in a similar situation I'm also a 30 something parent