Hello from across the world

Hello, so I guess I'll say a few things about myself. Starting off, I am a 24 male and in the US military. Currently I'm stationed across the world, around the middle east. I have a sister who is roughly 2 years younger than me that I have always had a crush on, but I told her how I felt before I left overseas and she didn't feel the same. I had been following both fme and janes blog and decided to go through with making an account after seeing the posts about single consangs. While I'm still a bit unsure if I am exclusively consang or bisang, I thought I could vent some of my thoughts here. I hope I can at least be of some use to everyone.

Tony, welcome to KS. I'm sorry to hear your sister didn't feel the same. Better to find out early, though.

An admin will need to approve you for full access, but I don't think that should be a problem.

Best,
UN (another single consang)

Welcome! Sorry to hear your sister didn't reciprocate your feelings.

In which case, welcome aboard. I've upgraded your account so you're now able to access all forums

It's not unusual for people to be unsure of their sexuality, especially when there is precious little information out there for people (and none of any use in mainstream soceity). Determining whether you're consang or bisang requires some self-analysis. Have you had a regular relationship, and if so how did you feel about that? Fully consang people usually feel that there is some missing component to regular relationships, they find them hollow and empty because of this. Bisang people are usually satisfied whether dating a relative or a non-relative. If you've not had a regular relationship, how do you feel about the prospect of having one? If you feel fine about it then you're likely bisang, if the concept feels awkward to you, then you may be consang. It takes people a little while to figure out where they are on the scale, so don't worry about how to classify your orientation if you're not sure yet. It's something that will reveal itself to you.

Welcome! You've come to the right place.

Jane Doe wrote:In which case, welcome aboard. I've upgraded your account so you're now able to access all forums

It's not unusual for people to be unsure of their sexuality, especially when there is precious little information out there for people (and none of any use in mainstream soceity). Determining whether you're consang or bisang requires some self-analysis. Have you had a regular relationship, and if so how did you feel about that? Fully consang people usually feel that there is some missing component to regular relationships, they find them hollow and empty because of this. Bisang people are usually satisfied whether dating a relative or a non-relative. If you've not had a regular relationship, how do you feel about the prospect of having one? If you feel fine about it then you're likely bisang, if the concept feels awkward to you, then you may be consang. It takes people a little while to figure out where they are on the scale, so don't worry about how to classify your orientation if you're not sure yet. It's something that will reveal itself to you.

That's the thing I'm unsure about. I don't actually have much dating experience. I always found it kind of awkward, but it might be for reasons besides being consang. I actually have Aspergers, or more specifically I get all kinds of social anxiety. This, along with the fact I didn't see much interest in girls my age growing up due to different personalities; makes me unsure if I might be bisang and the awkwardness can be moved past with enough time around the person. Obviously it's up to me to figure out what I am, but I am still really happy when I read your post about being a single consang. It made me realize I had a lot of pressure on trying to find someone, and that I was being hard on myself for being single; like I had failed at life or something. As I would describe myself something as a gentlemen, I never felt bad before about staying a virgin throughout high school and college; but it started to hit me I was almost 25 and still had no dating experience. I started thinking my standards may have been too high, but now I wonder if it has more to do with being consang. I'm looking forward to posting here more and trying to figure myself out!

Hi, Tony,

You seem like a nice guy, and it is Valentine's Day, so I'm going to get off the whole 'sang thing and just talk about dating for a few paragraphs, if you don't mind. Take this from a guy who doesn't have Asperger's, but who was a virgin until age 24.

First off, relax. You need to find a way to take the pressure off yourself. Just take it easy and go meet some people. Do whatever you like to do, with others. Or develop some new interests. (Hint: There are some really good-looking lady skydivers. )

And take a tip from Thomas Edison and "fail your way to success." You will likely have to go through a lot of dates, and even a lot of relationships, to find your soulmate. No one is ever successful at gaining a new skill on the first attempt, and dating is a learnable skill. Nothing more or less. Getting turned down or breaking up with a girl, or with a whole series of girls, isn't the end of the world. I did that, too. When the time is right, you and your soulmate will find each other. Not before and not later. In my case, it was twelve years AFTER I lost my virginity. But they were, for the most part, a fun twelve years.

Do you have any male friends you can talk to about dating? That might help.

I hope this has been helpful to you.

Best,
UN

Hiya Tony, and welcome! I'm also looking forwards to hearing more from you, and if there's anything that helps you sort yourself out, let me know. We'll do our best. Take care and please keep safe over there.

Hi Tony. Welcome to KS and thank you for your service. I'm sorry to hear that your sister didn't feel the same way.

TonyTheT'rex wrote:That's the thing I'm unsure about. I don't actually have much dating experience. I always found it kind of awkward, but it might be for reasons besides being consang. I actually have Aspergers, or more specifically I get all kinds of social anxiety. This, along with the fact I didn't see much interest in girls my age growing up due to different personalities; makes me unsure if I might be bisang and the awkwardness can be moved past with enough time around the person. Obviously it's up to me to figure out what I am, but I am still really happy when I read your post about being a single consang. It made me realize I had a lot of pressure on trying to find someone, and that I was being hard on myself for being single; like I had failed at life or something. As I would describe myself something as a gentlemen, I never felt bad before about staying a virgin throughout high school and college; but it started to hit me I was almost 25 and still had no dating experience. I started thinking my standards may have been too high, but now I wonder if it has more to do with being consang. I'm looking forward to posting here more and trying to figure myself out!

Having aspergers might complicate things some, because socializing would seem that much more difficult (so I understand where the anxiety will come from). That said, having little interest in girls your own age could be part of your Aspergers, but at the same time it could also be a symptom of being fully consang. I had little interest in guys my own age when growing up and as a young adult, and I too felt that I had to get out there and date because it was socially expected of me (heck, I had plenty of people asking if I was a lesbian just because I wasn't dating). In truth I was a clueless young woman who had no idea what she was, only that something was 'missing'. The confusion you're experiencing is normal, especially because you're unsure what comes from your orientation and what comes from having Aspergers. It will probably take more time for you to figure it out, things like this are never quick and easy to accurately put a label on. But here is the thing: some things are more important than labels, like being comfortable in your own skin. The answers will come, even if not immediately.