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Lukebluesky23
Lukebluesky23
Newbie
Newbie
Posts : 6
Join date : 2021-06-10
Location : SE england

Introduction Sister always on my mind. Empty Introduction Sister always on my mind.

Thu 10 Jun 2021 - 15:30
Message reputation : 100% (1 vote)
Hi im a 55 year old male whos attracted to my lovely 53 year old sister. Fact is ive always been attarated to her and think i may of thought she was really pretty when i was 7 upwards and she was 5 upwards i think but not in a sexual sense. however that all changed when i hit adolescence and i think i was about 13 when it hit me how lovely she was and how she aroused strong often overwhelming emotions in me.

I kept trying to find private space and time to tell her how i felt but being in a large 7 person family it was incredibly difficult and i think i often ended up flirting with her and trying to attract her to me that way but that wasnt until i noticed she looked at me with curios or maybe sexual attraction eyes when her girl friend was around but when she wasnt around she avoided looking at me or looked at me like a piece of furniture.

Anyway after she looked at me with those eyes i knew she felt similar and my hormones just went into overdrive and started having erotic thoughts and dreams with me and her in it. I never felt that way before with any other girl sure i might of flirted or looked on girls but not with such overwhelming powerful emotions so much so i looked for mentoring and found it in this will make you laugh Mr Spock from star trek to subdue and control myself.

I am incredibly shy though and stupid to some extent back then and autistic i think so i had a real problem socilizing and introducing myself to people and that include my lovely sister who was up till then someone of a stranger to me and i to her. i used to call her skinney before i became aware of my strong emotions to tell her and myself and anyone who happend to be passing especially our parents that i didnt find her attractive or pretty. that may of been my autism defensive mechanism.

anyway because our house was so busy it was difficult for me and i also had a nasty older step brother who used to bully me and take the piss so i was on guard 24/7. Then one day my perents asked me to escort my sister to her new school as she was starting secondary for the first time. i wanted to say yes immediately especially on seeing my sister in her new uniform but again my autism and desperate need to hide my feelings stopped me and i said no but then i said yes after a couple of attempts at saying no and saying why cant her friend go with her. but it was to late, my sister and my perants had enough and i overtly made it obviose i think that i really liked my sister.

Then one day coming down the stairs i knowticed my sister looking fed up and bored or perhaps in thoughtful contemplation sitting all alone at the family table whilst everyone else was outside. i walked as fast as i could to the table i think and sat down beside her. i said sorry and i told her i was sorry for being bad to her in the past and that did she mind me speaking to her because iwanted to say something important. then i just told her i thought she was very pretty and unexpectly she smiled and said she thought i was pretty. being a bit backward i thought boys arent pretty that goes against hthe rules, handsome yes pretty no and then someone came in the door i think so i had no chance to tell her beyond that that i was and had been for a long time attracted to her and i planned to ask her for a kiss and to ask her if it was possible for me and her to be like girl and boyfriend.

That was the one and only chance i had really after that i took very few opportunity i had to physically tell her i was attracted to her which actually made her hate me. i grabbed her once and lifted her in my arms which actually delighted her. i had planned to take her to her bedroom were we could have a private chat then our mum appeared out of no were and embarrassingly i put my sister straight down. my mum smiled but my sister look fuming.

After that she looked really grumpy when ever she was close to me and i knew that was it i did do something awful though after that. one night she went down stairs as she could sleep and i couldnt sleep either thinking about her. when i heard her however i did the worst thing imaginable but i was still a boy. i went into the bathroom and took off all my clothes then waited for her on the stairs. she just looked at me and went tut..

so that was it. however when i reached 17 i had a silent mental breakdown and also started having seizures due to depression related to me thinking and hating myself because of my sister and i attempted to commit suicide with an overdose twice then also. she didnt even notice though? or she noticed but couldnt care ales by then. ive been epileptic ever since and because of that have had difficulty getting work and studying to better myself

I remember she invited her new boyfriend around once from work and then she forced me to witness her first marriage and both occasions i was incredibly jealous and at the same time my soul was in turmoil it felt with no way to escape i thought she was going out of her way to torture me

From that day to this i dont know weather im in love with her or its just my lustful imagination but seeing as its been 45 years now and i still want to be with her well i dont know. i never loved anyone else and never been close to another women ever and im not that bad looking. its as if theirs a curse on me and only my sister can release me from it and i often think now i would of been a better man and more mature human being had me and my lovely sister been lovers.

I think i know what frederick niche felt like now but he eventually went mad didnt he. i look at pictures of my sister every day now and wonder about her and when on the rare occasion i see her i feel and overwhelming feeling of sadness guilt and embarrassment to the extent i try to hide from her not only for selfish reasons but i dont want her family to know im still around for their sake. im very moral that way.

one last thing. a class associate at my school approached me once and asked me weather it was ok for him to have intercourse with his sister. i have ever since wondered why he approached me of all people and now though i didnt have and answer i m left wondering did my sister tell her girl friends that me and her were thoughtful of each other? also later i realised i was not the only one who had feelings for thier sisters but up to the age of 35 to 40 i loathed and hated myself because i thought i was mad bad or both though ive never hurt any girl or women but i thought i had with my sister and it has weighed heavily on me ever since.

I like to thank you for reading this account. keeping this to myself all these years has been an incredible burden i wish i could be open to others with it or join a support group but because of its taboo nature ive never tried. if someone could point me in the right direction i would be very grateful.



Last edited by Lukebluesky23 on Fri 11 Jun 2021 - 13:24; edited 5 times in total

FullMarriageEquality, Unowen17, polyguy, Jim2Two and Bigsc28 like this post

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Bigsc28
Junior Member
Junior Member
Posts : 42
Join date : 2021-05-25
Age : 71

Introduction Sister always on my mind. Empty Re: Introduction Sister always on my mind.

Thu 10 Jun 2021 - 15:51
Message reputation : 100% (2 votes)
Here you will find understanding, but most importantly you will not be judge.

Bigsc28 likes this post

Unowen17
Unowen17
Admin
Admin
Posts : 4719
Join date : 2017-12-02
Age : 62
Location : North of Regular, south of Consang

Introduction Sister always on my mind. Empty Re: Introduction Sister always on my mind.

Thu 10 Jun 2021 - 23:15
Message reputation : 100% (1 vote)
Hi, Luke, welcome to KS. Before we upgrade you, please check your messages.

Stay safe,
UN

_________________
Every now and then, an ally can say a few words, the right words, and change someone’s life for the better.
Unowen17
Unowen17
Admin
Admin
Posts : 4719
Join date : 2017-12-02
Age : 62
Location : North of Regular, south of Consang

Introduction Sister always on my mind. Empty Re: Introduction Sister always on my mind.

Sat 12 Jun 2021 - 7:23
Hi, Luke, thanks for the reply. All is well and I’ve upgraded your membership.

Stay safe,
UN

_________________
Every now and then, an ally can say a few words, the right words, and change someone’s life for the better.
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Southernuncle21
Newbie
Newbie
Posts : 9
Join date : 2021-06-13
Age : 34

Introduction Sister always on my mind. Empty Re: Introduction Sister always on my mind.

Sun 20 Jun 2021 - 4:10
Message reputation : 100% (1 vote)
Don't fret my friend this place accepts you for you. Glad to hear you finally opened up.
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Introduction Sister always on my mind. Empty Re: Introduction Sister always on my mind.

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