Introduction

I'm very happy to have found this forum. I've tried asking questions about consensual incest on other sites and have always been met with immediate disgust. The only answer I ever get is, "You need help!"
So, here's my situation: I'm a happily married man. 34 years old. I would never, ever cheat on my wife...except for with my Mom. I have had a sexual obsession with her for as long as I can remember. For some reason, I wouldn't consider having sex with her cheating, because I almost feel like it's something that was always supposed to happen. She is married,too. 62 years old and still beautiful as ever. We were very close when I was younger. But, she remarried when I was 17, and we haven't been as close since then. We're not estranged by any means. Just not as close as we once were. I have always fantasized about her and have never considered incest wrong. I really think it's the most beautiful and loving thing that a mother and son could do. I've tried over the years to not have these feelings for her, but they always come back. I've even tried dating women who look like her, but it's not the same. Tried dating women who are polar opposite looking from her, so I wouldn't think of her, but my mind always goes back to wanting her. I'm now of the opinion that the only way to satisfy my wanting of her, is to finally be with her. Even if it's just once. My wanting her distracts from my everyday activities, and quite often, I'll just daydream of her for hours. If I could be with her even once, I know it would help. Problem is, I don't know how to make this happen, and until now, I've never found anyone to ask about it, without being dismissed as a mental issue. Hopefully, the people on this forum can help. I've considered many ways over the years, but none have really panned out. Now, I'm kind of thinking I should just tell her. I'm thinking that I ask her to meet with me, just the 2 of us, because I have something very important to tell her. First, I'd ask her to make the promise of all promises not to tell anyone what I was going to tell her. And then, I'd just spill the beans. But, of course, there's that fear that she won't understand and will tell her husband and my wife, and my life will be ruined. On the other hand, what if she feels the same way? Or, at least maybe she'll understand how I'm feeling and let me be with her at least once. It's one of those decisions that if I don't ask her, I'll spend my whole life wondering what might've happened. Best case scenario is that she feels the same way and then we can regularly have amazing sex with each other and be closer than ever. I just wish I had a hint of what will happen. I know that other people in my family have had sexual feelings for family members, but never acted on it, so maybe it's something that runs in our family. Are incestuous feelings inherited? I also have on my side, that she's a pretty open person sexually. She goes to lots of swinger events, although I don't know if she has actually had sex with anyone else, or if she just likes being naked with other naked people. She also kinda prides herself on being the kind of person who will try anything. Anyway, I'm hoping to find on here, a way to approach my Mom about wanting to have sex with her more than I've ever wanted anything. I'm wanting to get reactions from mothers who's sons may have approached them with this. If anyone can help me, I'd be in your debt forever. Thank you.

I've upgraded you so that you can participate in the forums

Now to your dilemma. I will tell you first that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, there is nothing wrong with having these feelings. It doesn't make you broken or bad, it just means you're a bit different from what society expects. You don't need a shrink, people giving you that kind of advice quite frankly don't know what they're talking about.

Now, the fact that you're both married IS a problem. If you were to have any sexual relations with your mother, you would both be committing adultery. You may not see it as such, but your wife and her husband certainly would if they found out. No matter how much you might try to justify it in your mind, adultery is still adultery. Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but it's the reality of the situation. If you were both in open relationships and were allowed to have relationships with others then this wouldn't necessarily be a problem, but here I am assuming that your wife and her husband both expect monogamy. If I'm wrong about that then please tell me.

Now, I can tell you that your feelings would NOT go away if you were to have sex with her, actually they would be more likely to get stronger. I know this because I had a relationship with my dad for a number of years, and that's how it worked... it made my feelings stronger and not weaker.

Are incestuous tendencies inherited? Simple answer is that we just don't know. It's possible of course, but there hasn't been any actual research done in this area to either support or deny that possibility. I'd keep an open mind on that one.

In short, no I don't think it's a good idea to cheat on your wife with your mother who would be cheating on her husband. It is absolutely okay that you feel this way about her, but unless you both become single for whatever reason I will advise against pursuing it.

Welcome! You don't need your head shrunk for this.

I think Jane may have missed that your mother is a swinger (ethically nonmonogamous). Or maybe I misunderstood? I am polyamorous myself, not in the swinging sense. Like anyone else, there are swingers who are completely opposed to comsanguinamory and others who are supportive, and others are involved.

However, even assuming your mother AND her husband would be on-board in the sense of your mother being with you, I'm assuming your wife has given no sign she would approve?

Here's a problem aside from morality and ethics. If either your respective spouses found out and disapproved, they could ruin your lives.

It sounds like you might be able to discuss the issue with your mother in a roundabout way, leaving open the possibility you are talking about the concept and not the two of you. But then you'd still have to find a way of testing what your respective spouses would think, if you don't know already.

Welcome! Jane and Keith both made really good points and I concur with their advice. I just wanted to also point out something you said that may have slipped past your conscious awareness. You wrote, "Or, at least maybe she'll understand how I'm feeling and let me be with her at least once." My opinion is that this is a borderline consent issue. My perception is that even if she's not feeling the same way about you, you're hoping to leverage her feelings as your mother to get her to have sex with you at least once in the unsubstantiated hope that it will get these feelings out of your system. This seems like a modicum of coercion to me and may bring the degree of your true motive of love vs selfish desire into question.

As Jane said, the likelihood of feelings getting weaker rather than stronger after sex with her are minuscule at best. She is also right in that your wife's perception of the situation is what matters here because that will dictate her emotions and subsequent actions. However you choose to justify it in your mind will not affect your reality after the fact.

Keith pointed out that just because your mom and her husband are swingers doesn't mean they are on board with her having a sexual relationship with you which is true of all people. Emotional limits are a deeply personal and unique aspect of our personal makeup and are difficult to predict where those lines are drawn in the sand. Banking on them as the foundation of your hopes for a positive outcome will make your ability to anticipate consequences risky and unreliable.

I, too, add my voice in that there's nothing wrong with you or your feelings. Please recognize that a lot of time has passed since your childhood when your relationship with your mother was established. Many experiences and circumstances have come to pass (your marriages, spouses' feelings, and other life events) that may have stacked the odds against you. Please be cautious, circumspect and discrete if you decide to move forward in communicating with your mother. Much more so than your introduction seems to indicate thus far.

Wish you the best of luck and hoping for a happy outcome.

hi and welcome. i don't think i can add anything suggestion wise. keith and jane pretty much covered everything i would have said.

The forum recommended this post, even tho it's from 2016 so I was wondering if the poster ever got things all worked out among all the parties to be with his mom?

He hasn’t been on since September 2016, so I doubt we’ll ever know.

Stay safe,
UN