My wife and her son?

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Anonymus1,

We don’t know her.

It’s possible as her son has grown up, she has found the role-playing less appealing.

It’s also possible she is trying to cover up for her feelings.

I wish I could tell you with certainty. You can either drop it entirely, or you can talk with her about it when you two are calm, and alone together (not when either of you is upset about something or when you’re getting affectionate). Ask her why, when she used to enjoy it, she now has a problem with it. Tell her whatever her answer is will be OK with you.

Anonymus -

I agree with Full Marriage. The answer could be all kinds of things. In my experience, women will say they don't like certain things because they feel they're not supposed to. Lots of times, though, their actions and the reactions of their bodies to certain thoughts/actions say differently. May I ask why you want to know? I don't think you can really assume something is going on with her son based on anything you shared. That said, I would simply stop your 'games' involving young men altogether. If she's that into it, she'll find a way to bring it up again. Then just say she was right and you're not playing those anymore. There's a good chance she'll casually mention it again. If this happens, it's pretty likely that she'd like to make it seem that she's not into it, but hopes you'll take the ball and run with it each time she brings it up. You can also see how her body reacts when she mentions it. That said, this only proves that she really does enjoy your games, but doesn't like to admit it. It doesn't mean anything about her son either way. It does open the door to deeper discussions about the matter if you handle it right.

You can’t live inside someone else’s head.

I was raised Catholic and we were instructed by the Church and our various teachers that even thinking something sinful was just as bad as completing the act. I have family members who are now agnostic or atheist who’s behavior is still partially governed by primary and secondary religious education. They get feelings of shame, self loathing and disgust for even thinking about realizing an “aberrant” fantasy, no matter how tame you and I might regard it. I can only imagine what they feel if they are on the precipice of going through with something they thought to be sick.

It could be that your girlfriend is butting up squarely against something she’s fantasized about but just doesn’t want to admit she actually wants on some level. Previously your enabling of the fantasy was pleasurable but now that she’s so close to it the conditioned thought process is shaking her up. That it was a fantasy for so long, protected her.

I’d like to ask why you haven’t discussed some of the root motivation with her during your 8 years of role playing but I’d be hypocritical because I have never discussed this with my mom either after almost 40 years

If it comes up be sure to do your best to convince her you love her, and that she is safe from judgement about this from you.

Anonymus1, I agree with what the others have said.

How would you, yourself, feel if your wife was sexually attracted to her son? If you’d be okay with that, you could tell her that you would be okay. That might clear the air.

Stay safe,
UN

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Hi, Anonymus1,

The monkey covering the eyes is “See no evil.” https://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/hear-no-evil-see-no-evil-speak-no-evil

I think it’s at least possible given her behavior, that your wife is thinking about making love to her son. At some level of thought. Maybe trying to see if he reacts? Maybe hoping he will? At a deep level.

Stay safe,
UN

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Well, you’ve already let her know that you’re okay if she wants to get together with her son. The only thing else that you could do is to let him know it too. Then the rest just up to the two individuals who are kind of circling around each other. As it should be.

Stay safe,
UN

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Sorry for the misunderstanding, Anonymus1.

I suppose you could gently reassure her that it’s not sick or shameful for someone to be attracted to a close relative. In the abstract. Does that feel like it might work?

Stay safe,
UN

few things more joyous and beautiful than a loving consensual relationship between mother and adult son. If she's hesitant, then it's no pressure to actually go through with any of it. Always want to weigh pros and cons and have a good understanding of how one responds emotionally to such a big change

Another possibility occurs to me. Your wife might be trying to start something with her son, but doesn’t want you to be involved, or even know about it.

The right way to handle that situation is, unfortunately, the opposite of what I’d said earlier. Play dumb and don’t press the issue.

At this point, I’d say that’s the more likely. Which way feels the most like the real situation to you?

Stay safe,
UN

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Be well, Anonymous1.