Introduction of an Ally

Hi. This is a lot harder than it seems it should be, eh?

So maybe I start with as much honesty as possible. I am a 39 year old male and I have never myself been involved in any family relationships. Honestly, there were no real 'normal' relationships with my family. I have never been married and have no children. Both of my parents are passed and the rest of my surviving family is extremely conservative and would not at all understand this.

Why am I here? When I was developing my sexuality, I discovered the concept of consensual incest in a fictional format. The books I read were Victorian smut and there was a kind of delightful naughtiness in them, an approach to sex that was open and loving and above all, fun. They set me aflame, those stories. They led me to seek more of what I liked and eventually I ended up online, as most do.

I discovered a whole world of places to explore my interest and even joined a few forums. This was back in the early 00's and some of you may know what it was like back then. Most of what I found was fake and shallow and distasteful, even downright ugly. It was not at all what interested me and to be honest it sometimes made me feel like I was sick for what I found arousing.

There was a lot of ugly to wade through, but I did have the chance to meet some people. There was one girl I met, who was in love with her siblings. She was very kind to me, we became friends and talked for hours, I even got to talk with her sister, brother and mom. And they were very open with me as I got to know them better and we gained each others trust. I came to care for them all very much, especially Amanda.

Amanda and I fell in love. We made plans to be together, I just needed to get to her, or she had to come for me. We knew this would be hard, but I don't think either of us understood that it was pretty much doomed. A coupe of years passed and eventually...we drifted apart. Time and distance when you are young can be insurmountable. But I never stopped thinking about her and never forgot what they told me.

A while later, I met another young woman who had a relationship with her father. What she felt for him was not wrong, it could not be. They had the most supportive and loving relationship I've ever seen. Unfortunately, he died of cancer before her 30th.

Over the years I've met many people who are involved in this thing and one thing that I saw was this unconditional love. Love so powerful people will risk everything for it. And yes, addictive passion as well. It has never stopped being something I am drawn to.

Why am I here? I suppose to understand a part of myself that I can never share with anyone. Something I've been forced to keep secret and hide for fear of misunderstandings and disgust, especially from partners I wished I could share it with. Or at least comes to terms with why I find it so compelling. Forgive me if I really have no place here, I really do not have a place anywhere. But I promise to be utterly respectful.

Hi, Wanderer, welcome to Kindred Spirits. You have a place here, and I hope many who will welcome you. I’ve upgraded your account.

I can honestly say that I’ve never encountered an ally exactly like you. Someone who is not attracted to his own relatives, but who is drawn to other consangs and actually finds them. I hope we can be of help to you in understanding that secret part of yourself.

Stay safe,
UN

Welcome, Wanderer!
Are you familiar with the concept of "compersion"? It's an opposite concept to jealousy and it sounds like it may be very strong in you. I'm looking forward to your involvement in the private boards!

Unowen17 wrote:Hi, Wanderer, welcome to Kindred Spirits. You have a place here, and I hope many who will welcome you. I’ve upgraded your account.

I can honestly say that I’ve never encountered an ally exactly like you. Someone who is not attracted to his own relatives, but who is drawn to other consangs and actually finds them. I hope we can be of help to you in understanding that secret part of yourself.

Stay safe,
UN

Thank you. I hear that a lot, that I'm not exactly like anyone another person has met. As far as my relatives, well. I have a half-brother who is 13 years older than I am and almost diametrically opposed in all systems of belief and ideal. No other siblings and my mother was a diagnosed Psychopath with Narcissistic and Histrionic Disorders. Sometimes I think that might bewhy I'm drawn to consangs. Because they have what I have never had. It does mess with a person when the one person who is supposed to love them, can't.

KittyCat wrote:Welcome, Wanderer!
Are you familiar with the concept of "compersion"? It's an opposite concept to jealousy and it sounds like it may be very strong in you. I'm looking forward to your involvement in the private boards!

I do have feelings of envy and jealous, just not very often or about very many people. If one person becomes very special to me, it does hurt when they are choosing to be with someone else. I think that is just human nature. I will say that the thing that bothers me most though, is the secrecy and exclusion. Its not that they have sex with other people, so much as always being the one doing without and kept in the dark.

Anyway thank you very much for the welcome and I hope to make some friends and contribute positively to this Forum. *bows*

Welcome aboard!

Wanderer, please stay with us. You may not realize that we understand you as much as we do. And our lifestyle won't try to take advantage of you, just stay with your new friends.

Rick Fortune wrote:Wanderer, please stay with us. You may not realize that we understand you as much as we do. And our lifestyle won't try to take advantage of you, just stay with your new friends.

I have always been outside. Unwanted, unwelcome. So this message does mean more than you know. I promise not to interfere or to infringe, or to annoy. I am good at being quiet and respectful. Like a ghost. I thank all of you for the welcome. *bows head slightly and fades*

Welcome, from another Victorian erotica aficionado  

Oh no no my colleage from.Desolate Kansas, all help and supoort is welcomed and well recieved . I salute you!

Welcome! I'm a little late to this thread, but I just wanted to pipe in and throw in my support for you as well. And, interestingly enough, I'm yet another ally currently living in "Desolate Kansas".

TheWanderer wrote:I do have feelings of envy and jealous, just not very often or about very many people. If one person becomes very special to me, it does hurt when they are choosing to be with someone else. I think that is just human nature. I will say that the thing that bothers me most though, is the secrecy and exclusion. Its not that they have sex with other people, so much as always being the one doing without and kept in the dark.

I also wanted to respond to this, because compersion does not mean the absence of envy or jealousy, particularly not valid hurt that comes from having your trust betrayed via someone going behind your back. Compersion is simply the capacity to share in another person's happiness, which far too many people are too insecure to find. For people who find compersion naturally, as I agree you seem to, there can be a tendency towards self-deprecation or discounting your own pain as wrong. I just want to give you some reassurance that the ability to feel joy for others' happiness, and the desire to fight for a cause that does not directly impact you (especially one as maligned as consang) are both uncommon, admirable traits. You deserve to be here. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to have support, as well. Welcome to the community.