Mom Trying To Understand

Hi, I'm Hope. I'm a 41 year old mom of a 19 year old son. We are not involved in any kind of sexual relationship together, but I believe he is attracted to me in that way based on a history of his behavior with me which seems to have intensified within the past year. In other words, there have been a bunch of little things which by themselves I might be able to ignore, but when you add them all up and consider their frequency, it is becomes impossible for me to ignore them as a whole. And to be honest, lately it's all I can think about because I don't know how I really feel about it or what to do about it. I don't really want to discuss any further details in this introductory post other than to say that as his mother who loves him, I will always be supportive of his feelings and don't want to make him feel shameful in any way, but I'm not saying that I could actually go along with what it seems like to me that he wants with me. At the same time, I can't sit here and say that I'm not curious about the "what-if's". I guess right now I'm just trying to understand what he is going through and feeling, and also trying to process the many conflicted feelings I have. And I feel like there needs to be a conversation, but I'm not sure how to go about having a conversation without creating an extreme awkwardness in our otherwise good mother-son relationship. As a conflicted mom, this seems like a welcoming place for someone in my shoes so I hope I can find the clarity and help that I need here.

Hi, Hope, welcome to Kindred Spirits. I’ve upgraded your account for full access to the members-only forums.

Your conflictedness is perfectly understandable. We’ll try to help you arrive at a course of action that’s right for you, and won’t push you either way. It’s incredibly good for some people and incredibly awful for others.

Feel free to start a thread in Non-GSA and we can talk it over there.

Stay safe,
UN

We humans have ability love in many ways and not all of it doesn't have to be reciprocated. Just be patient observe with care. I am sure you'll know how to deal with the situation.

Hi Hope, I hope that me can here more of your thoughts and expression.

Hope1079 wrote:Hi, I'm Hope. I'm a 41 year old mom of a 19 year old son. We are not involved in any kind of sexual relationship together, but I believe he is attracted to me in that way based on a history of his behavior with me which seems to have intensified within the past year. In other words, there have been a bunch of little things which by themselves I might be able to ignore, but when you add them all up and consider their frequency, it is becomes impossible for me to ignore them as a whole. And to be honest, lately it's all I can think about because I don't know how I really feel about it or what to do about it. I don't really want to discuss any further details in this introductory post other than to say that as his mother who loves him, I will always be supportive of his feelings and don't want to make him feel shameful in any way, but I'm not saying that I could actually go along with what it seems like to me that he wants with me. At the same time, I can't sit here and say that I'm not curious about the "what-if's". I guess right now I'm just trying to understand what he is going through and feeling, and also trying to process the many conflicted feelings I have. And I feel like there needs to be a conversation, but I'm not sure how to go about having a conversation without creating an extreme awkwardness in our otherwise good mother-son relationship. As a conflicted mom, this seems like a welcoming place for someone in my shoes so I hope I can find the clarity and help that I need here.

Hi Hope!

I'm SO glad you found the courage to share this as the first steps are often the hardest. It takes so much bravery and courage to even consider such feelings, let alone take the time to put them into words.

You have definitely found a most welcoming place to begin this journey. It can often be confusing and overwhelming, but also intensely rewarding unlike anything else you have experienced in your life.

So many will offer varying advice, but at the end of the day, don’t feel pressured into making any decision on any one day. As with any lasting and meaningful relationship, things just take time to blossom. And time just adds more meaning to the relationship. Curiosity, guilt, and desire will ebb and flow, but if one stays the course, there is a soulful joy unlike any other on this earth.

I’d love to hear more about your feelings with whatever you’re willing to share!

Peace,

- Kirok

Hi Hope! As a daughter who was afraid to act on the desire to have a deeper and closer relationship with my Dad, and who took like forever to actually act on it, let me tell you to go along with how you feel and your desires. Admit to yourself the 'unthinkable' and go with it. You will not be mislead and let me tell you, enjoying that level of pleasure and closeness with your son will truly open doors to pleasures you never thought possible. Do it, is all I can say! Oh and let us know how it goes!

Hi Hope,

Welcome! I just joined myself.
I believe your son and I have quite a bit in common. At his age, I was already in love with my Mom and have adored her ever since. Not only as a son, but as a man. Unfortunately, I've never been with her, but have not lost the desire in the least. Your post underscores the reason I have never been able to communicate exactly how I feel to her. There is a lot of fear. Fear of ruining the relationship we do have, fear of her reaction, fear of being ostracized from my family. etc.

I like that you haven't gone public or just automatically assumed you'll need to get him a therapist (or similar hard-core reaction). It seems you may even be unsure of your thoughts in the matter. If I had ever known my Mother would have a reaction similar to yours, it would have, at least, given me the ability to let her know what she means to me. In some ways, you and I might be able to give each other some insight into how your son and my Mother might feel.

As a son with a lifelong desire to make love to the most amazing woman I have ever known, I can tell you I would treat her like the queen I know she is if ever given the chance. My love and commitment would be forever and I would do everything I could to make her always feel loved, respected and adored. She would always have someone to talk to, laugh with, experience life with, and spend her time with. I would also make her pleasure my number one priority. That means foot rubs, massages, painting her nails, reading to her while she soaks in a hot tub, and anything else around the house she needs help with. It would also mean keeping her physically satisfied and tending to all of her desires. Essentially, I want to be able to WORSHIP her in a way she's never known before. I want this because she DESERVES it. If your son feels for you the way I feel for my Mother, it's likely he shares my mindset for you too.

Continue to think on the matter and don't make ANY hasty decisions. I think a son's feeling for his Mother (as I've described) are completely natural and quite beautiful. If you decide to embark on a relationship with him, you might find it's the most powerful you've ever known.

God luck with the process. I look forward to speaking with you again!

I’m afraid that Hope might not be reading the forum any more. I’ve reached out to her, but no luck.

Stay safe,
UN

I'm still here, but as suggested I have just been trying to go through all relevant material to my situation at the Full Marriage Equality blog, and I guess I'm just trying to process how it makes me feel.

If I can be of any help, let me know.

You, or anyone else, can reach out to me in the member areas, or via private message (although, I prefer email and Wire. I’m on Wire at fullmarriageequality & I can be emailed at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

And likewise for me, Hope. Via PM here or unowen18 at protonmail dot com.

Stay safe,
UN