Exploring Feelings for Mother

Hello. I'm happy to have found this forum as it seems to be a more genuine place than some of the others I've found when searching this topic. I'm a 30 year old male who has since puberty had a strong attraction to my mother which I have tried to ignore. I suspect that at some level she has been aware of this, either through intuition or checking my confused search history when I lived at home. She is very conservative and I don't think ever would be open to a more intimate relationship. At various times through the years, though, I believe she's entertained the thought of being closer even if she thinks it is wrong. E.g. During my older teenage years, she out of nowhere started asking me for back massages and directed them down just above her butt. It was not normal in my family to give massages but I consented as she said her back was tense. These massages never got sexual but did raise my heart rate and make me excited (not in a way she'd notice). I could be reading too much into things and be biased towards "fantasy," but I always wonder if there was a possibility things could have escalated to a closer bond if I had not been so shy. These massages only lasted a few weeks or maybe 2 months. It was so long ago I don't remember. But they stopped as abruptly as they started.

As I've gotten older, my mother has been more open alluding to sexual topics. I don't think this is anything out of the ordinary. It usually comes in the form of general conversations about relationships and how a healthy sex life is an important thing for couples to maintain in relationships.

Again, I don't really think there is anything there and don't know how common it is for mothers to be even slightly open to physical intimacy with their sons. But since this attraction/curiosity has still not gone away, I figured it would be helpful to read the experiences of others to better understand myself.

Abraxas, welcome aboard! I’ve upgraded your account. Hopefully, we can be of some help in the member areas, to which you should now have access,

Welcome Abraxas! I hope you enjoy this place. you'll be glad to find you are not alone at all.

Hello Abraxas,

You will find that many here share similar experiences. One of those people is me. I also come from a politically and religiously conservative family environment where verbal expressions of affection were rare but we were very touchy-feely with each other. Long hugs, massages, back scratches in bed, etc. It was our way of expressing love and intimacy when we couldn’t say the words. My mom and my sister both absolutely killed me during my later teens walking around in underwear and other very revealing clothes, something that was just very normal…for us. After a period of intense sexual touching lasting a few months, my mom and I didn’t do anything at all for almost 3 years but then things opened up to a broadly fulfilling sexual relationship while I was in graduate school.

The feelings haven’t gone away for you. And, you think about this an awful lot, correct? Maybe your mom does, too. It could be that she’s searching for that ice breaker and the openness to discussing sexual topics is one way for her to try. Are you still interested in pursuing something? Engage her and extend the conversation with “what-ifs.”

Everyone gets aches and pains….it sounds like your mom might be roughly my age so I can attest. Watch for this, and the next time you see her stiff and sore, offer to help. It’s possible that you both needed this amount of time to get your head around your feelings before acting on them.

Welcome to Kindred Spirits, Abraxas! It could be that your mom is feeling a bit deprived. Since you’re comfortable talking about sexual topics with her, it might not be out of place to ask her if she’s feeling lonely.

Stay safe,
UN